Recurrent BV and Vaginismus

[Oolie Myth]

Hello everyone,
I think I’ve been struggling with vaginismus most of my life. I grew up in a very religious background that attaches a lot of shame with sex outside of marriage. My first experiences with exploring my sexuality were overwhelmed with shame. I never masturbated with penetration as a teen (and masturbation for women wasn’t even discussed as an option when I was growing up. This was a male activity). I couldn’t use tampons as they were always very painful. My partners have always commented about how tight my vagina is. Sometimes sex is easier than other times, but if I’m being honest, every single time I’ve had sex I have been worried that it would hurt and it’s been at best uncomfortable. whenever I seem to find a partner where penetration is bearable, I get BV and it keeps coming back until I have to stop having sex completely for a long period of time. After the BV is gone and I’ve recovered for over 6 months, sex is unbearably painful. This is the 3rd relationship I’ve been in where this cycle has happened: normal sex, BV, over 6 months of no sex, painful sex, breakup.

I’m in a very happy relationship now, and my partner is the most supportive person I can imagine, but I hate that I can’t seem to have sex with him with penetration. We have lots of other sex, but not with penetration. We miss this part of our relationship. It’s been 9 months since I’ve been BV free and we try penetration a lot, but I always have to stop him. I’m feeling very discouraged. Every time he tries to talk to me about penetration in a sexy way, I play along, but I’m secretly devastated because I’m afraid my body just won’t ever let me again.

[Sks823]

Ahh I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and the BV. I’m also so happy that you have a supportive partner.

I don’t know too too much about BV and its causes – have you talked to a doctor about your recurring BV yet?

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Oolie Myth – thanks for sharing your story and I’m so sorry to hear about this painful cycle you’ve been trapped in! It sounds very likely that you have vaginismus or a similar vaginal pain disorder, and also that having to stop penetration to deal with your BV is likely making the cycle worse (since your muscles aren’t getting stretched, they likely get extra tight again, which makes penetration excruciating when you are finally ready to try again).

I think a gynecologist is a good next stop (especially if you haven’t been getting formal treatment about BV. A skilled gyno can likely help you narrow down what sort of vaginal pain issue you’re dealing with. Unfortunately not all gynecologists are as familiar with vaginismus as they should be, so if you don’t have a good relationship with yours, it’s worth calling around to ask other gynos if they’ve worked with women dealing with vaginismus before.

Vaginismus and other vaginal pain disorders have a lot of treatment options, so I think it’s definitely worth discussing with a gyno or calling the Maze Clinic at 914-328-3700 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your options. Options like dilation or the botox procedure might work great for you, and you should not have to live with constant, persistent pain.

Let us know if other questions come up along the way – I’ve dealt with vaginismus myself and know how hard it is, but it doesn’t have to define your life!