November 19, 2020 at 8:32 pm #36360amyct23Participant
I have struggled with my vaginismus for a couple of years and finally started receiving help and treatment for it in January. Things have taken a lot longer than I thought they would but I’ve made progress nonetheless and can comfortably insert the penultimate dilator, however, the largest one is still a big struggle for me. To make matters worse, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me this week. He says that it isn’t anything to do with this issue but I can’t help but feel that it is the reason and I feel like a complete failure. I am also so worried I won’t ever be able to have sex now as someone who is single! Even if I am able to insert the last dilator, how is this issue something I introduce/navigate into any potential sex life in the future? Just feeling very down and lost about it all at the moment and any advice would be much appreciated.November 23, 2020 at 6:36 am #36501HeatherParticipant
I am so proud of you for your courageous work you’re doing with your vaginismus! It’s not easy but slow and steady wins this race!! You WILL get that last dilator in! But you are strong, you do not need a penis to complete your journey. All this work is YOUR work. They’re your dilators, it is your vagina, and it is your determination. This is all you! Once you get that last dilator in, you will keep a good schedule where you dilate with that big one 3-4 times a week. When you transition to sex, sex will be considered your dilating routine as long as you do it 3-4 times a week. But until then, figure out what you like and what you don’t. Take this time to learn your body. Experiment with toys and vibrators(way more fun than traditional dilating) And when you get into a relationship again, you’ll already know exactly what you like and it is totally up to you whether you tell them about your vaginismus or not. You will be okay 🙂 In the future, before having sex, I would play with some toys or vibrators. Make it apart of your foreplay because it is a much better experience when you have sex after having already prepared your body by dilating. Keep going though. Don’t get discouraged. You’re so strong and you will overcome this. Beating vaginismus is a MAJOR accomplishment. You will feel like you can tackle anything after! You can always post here, too. There’s a lot of amazing women here to support you 🙂 Keep us updated!November 24, 2020 at 8:57 am #36576Jennifer Dembo, LMSWModerator
I could not second Heather’s response to you more emphatically! You DON’T need a partner to be part of your healing process. However, it’s understandable that you might internalize his departure as being related to your experience with vaginismus. Whether it is or not, you need to acknowledge this big change in your life – 3 years is a long time to have shared your life with someone. Then you’ll be able to see your path through. You’ve accomplished such extraordinary progress with dilation; remember this inner strength as it takes you to your next chapter. As Heather said, YOU choose whether or not to tell future partners, and spending the time now to get totally acquainted with what you find comfortable, safe and pleasurable is what it’s all about.
Good luck and let us know if we can be of any help as you move forward, step by step.
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