Problems With Last Dilator

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    I have been using dilators on and off for a year now. My set has four, and I can comfortably insert the first three, leaving them in for a length of time and both inserting and removing them quickly. My problem is with the largest dilator, I just cannot insert it. I have been trying for months now, but having lots of gaps (due to frustration and just sheer avoidance).

    I am desperate for this to work and I just cannot work out why I can’t insert this one. I know with the third I have problems inserting it but eventually something clicked and it worked. I keep thinking if I keep trying the fourth will do the same but no luck so far and I just feel so disheartened.

    Has anyone got any tips?


    Hi Magnolia – I’m sorry you’ve had so much trouble with that last dilator, I know how that goes! I think it depends on the size of the dilator and whether it’s larger than a penis or not. I actually never really ended up working with the largest dilator in my set much since it was so big, so if it seems like one you could skip you might just try transitioning to intercourse if that’s a goal you have.

    If tackling the biggest dilator is necessary in achieving your long-term insertion goals, probably part of what’s making it hard is being up in your head and putting pressure on yourself to make progress. It’s one of the cruel ironies of vaginismus, but part of the challenge is letting go of expectations as much as possible and not forcing a particular timeline. It’s so much easier said than done (as anyone who’s ever been told to “just relax” by a doctor knows), but treating each day as a new one and not comparing how your body handles things too much day-to-day can help that “breakthrough” you mentioned happen. Also, on a more practical level, I overcame my worst dilating hump when I started masturbating externally and getting turned on before inserting it – dilators can seem so clinical but if you bring some eroticism into the process (either with yourself or with a partner) you’ll often find that your body is more relaxed and receptive to a larger size. Good luck and I hope that helps!



    I had the same issue with the hard plastic ones but when I switched to the Dr. Pacik glass dilators no.06 with instillagel that really really really helped stretching muscles without pain and transitioning to pain free intercourse.
    After few times i stopped using instillagel and switched to normal water lubes like aquagel .


    I also think some dilator sets have really big jumps between sizes. So maybe do some research on the measurements of the dilators you have, and see if you can find something that is in between your #3 and #4.

    Soul source has silicone and plastic dilators that you can purchase in many sizes individually, so I would check out their site.

    Helen Leff, LCSW

    Hi! Another idea may be to try a medium sized internal vibrator, it may feel good as it massages. Look for a silicone one as that’s a safe material and use a good lube such as Sliquid. Hope this helps you in your journey.


    Hi Magnolia,

    To reiterate other points made above, it may be a good idea to find a size in between that will help; additionally, it may not even be necessary to insert the largest one – I hardly used the largest one in the pack that I used from Maze.

    Still, be patient – it may happen (it may just take longer than the other times between dilators). Use lots of lube, use deep breathing techniques, and go super slowly. Don’t be frustrated if it doesn’t happen, just try again another day.

    Getting a vibrator to use externally (or internally like Helen suggested) may also help – using one externally definitely helped me.

    Good luck and don’t give up – you’ve come so far and are doing SUCH a great job!

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