Painful intercourse for my wife

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    Hi there,
    as my name imply i am here for my wife.
    I posted in another category here and i find out this category.
    We are married for 2 years and my lovely wife has painful intercourse all the time which led to low libido from her and fear from sex. we talked hundred of times about the situation and i advised her to see therapist but she dont want to see therapist in any cost, she very shy about this subject and claim the she can expose herself for any therapist. Of course when this subject is up it lid us to fights.. and its very sad.
    I just want to know if there is a option for self treatment at home without therapist? can we use vibrators or dilators at first?
    Thanks !


    Hi For_her and welcome to the forums! It’s sweet of you to seek help for your wife, and to care about her pain. Yes, it’s possible to dilate at home, and a really good option for people just beginning to explore vaginismus treatment. I will say though that it can be its own problem if the person with vaginismus is afraid to talk about it or doesn’t want to confront the psychological aspects of vaginismus. Feelings of guilt, shame, self-doubt, and self-loathing are common and need to be worked through for pain-free and engaged intercourse to happen and there’s often a lot of stress and anxiety to learn. I recommend starting off with dilating at home, but also know that the psychological parts might require a therapist or some other external support. What matters most ultimately is that your wife WANTS to change and is prepared to put in the work. That’s what’s needed at the end of the day to see results. Let us know how it goes and if you have any questions along the way!


    Thank you very much for the wonderful answer ! i will order vibrator or dilator and we will start our journey to cure the Vaginismus


    For_her, I’m really glad to hear this! Please let us know how it goes and if you have other questions along the way!



    I responded to your post on another section:

    but just wanted to reiterate what recessivegenequeen said about the psychological parts being sooo important to treat, too.

    Also, I posted in the other section: I’d recommend starting with dilators rather than buying a vibrator because she probably needs to begin with the smallest sizes and work herself up to larger sizes. The way I think about it is that her muscles *down there* aren’t yet used to something large inside. Just like I, after never picking up free weights in my life, probably can’t pick up 50- or 60-lb weights 🙂. That’s why she needs to start small, get used to the small dilators, then work her way up to eventually something penis-sized. I think the use of dilators to get her muscles used to the feeling of something larger inside her will be incredibly beneficial.

    Good luck and keep us updated!

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