No rush to intercourse

[Nicole Tammelleo, MA, LCSW]

Several of my patients have recently succeeded in using the extra large dilators with no pain. For any one who has used dilators you know that is quite an accomplishment. However, while they are in long term committed relationships, they are not yet “ready” for intercourse. One woman said “I just never thought I could, and I think it will change my relationship with my boyfriend.” Of course she is right, having intercourse will change the dynamic of the relationship. The feelings and emotions are . In addition so many patients feel an overwhelming burden that their first time should be “perfect.” In reality the “first time’ for most people is somewhat awkward. Being “ready” for first intercourse is more than just being “pain free.” It is also about feeling like this is something you want to do, you have the desire for it. So no rush, take your time and feel ready.

[Heather34]

This is such an awesome post Nicole. I felt like it was definitely awkward and mechanical for a while following my procedure and we had to really work hard on learning how to move from mechanical to pleasurable. Some things that helped for us included going on date nights again and experimenting with using a vibrator as opposed to the clinical dilators as we progressed. It was a lot of work but there was quite a bit of fun along the way and it felt like we learned so many new things about one another in the process. We’ll be celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this coming October. :):):)

[Dr. Pacik]

My patients have often told me that they feel that they were progressing quicker physically (using dilators) than emotionally (progressing to intercourse). Fear and anxiety continue to be overwhelming to many women who struggle overcoming vaginismus. One needs to be aware of this. Overcoming vaginismus is a process that takes time. Support from the partner is helped by tip only intercourse, no thrusting the first few attempts at intercourse. Don’t burden yourself further with feelings of failure, it simply takes time. There are many other problems that sometimes surface including poor lubrication, low libido, inability to orgasm and disgust issues. Getting support from a psychologist skilled in vaginismus counseling can be very helpful.

[Rachel Hercman, LCSW]

Such great points.

I find that for many of our vaginismus patients, dilation can bring up a whole range of feelings. Sometimes there is an initial sense of optimism and relief, feeling grateful to have found a solution after talking to doctors and not getting validation about the issue. But as we know, dilation isn’t an overnight thing, and it takes time. During that time, some patients can feel a sense of still being stuck, in this no man’s land, awaiting for the big change to happen. Some report feeling a sense of grief over the years lost to a condition that can be treated in a relatively short amount of time when you take into account how long people spend trying to find treatment. And the fatigue. The waiting and waiting for life to really begin.

Clearly, all feelings make sense. As Dr. Pacik said, it is helpful to have emotional support through the process.

[AshtonOscar]

Nicole this is very nice and informative post.it will help us