New member and newly diagnosed

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    Hello all!

    So thankful I found this forum. I found out this week (on my wedding night) that I may have vaginismus, and was diagnosed yesterday. I’m learbing I’ve had it for probably over 10 years and never knew what I was experiencing wasn’t normal until the excruciating time I endured on my wedding night. Working to overcome this on my own without procedures or therapy first, but I’m definitely open to anything to heal and have a normal life.
    I’m 27 years old, and there’s a bunch of factors that probably contributed to this. I’m positive we can get past this though and fully recover. My husband is so incredibly supportive and I’m so very thankful for that. I’d love any helpful advice for the future!



    I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re unable to have sex in your marriage, but it’s great that you found this website and know that you may have vaginismus!

    I overcame vaginismus using dilators of increasing size and going to Maze Women’s Health center every couple/few weeks to help me with the dilators (so physical therapy… for those muscles down there). I know you said you didn’t want to do procedures or therapy, but if you do decide to try this route (dilators), I recommend buying dilators on your own and seeing if you are able to use them without help. This depends on a few things – are you able to wear tampons or insert anything at all with no pain?

    If you are unable to use them on your own, I would recommend looking up women’s health centers that know about vaginismus – maybe giving a few a call to see if they would be able to help show you how to use the dilators (and see if they take your insurance if you have it).

    I think that you might feel comfort in reading my success story, as I had the same issues as you and got through dilation therapy a much more confident and strong person – and it was obviously the hugest weight off my shoulders to not feel anxious and worried about sex – I honestly can’t even describe the relief!

    I think I was a difficult case seeing as I couldn’t wear tampons, hadn’t had a pap smear, and had EXTREME anxiety my first few appointments.

    Here are a couple quick excerpts from my post:

    “This comes from me being a very difficult case – I couldn’t wear tampons from the pain/fear, and the thought of dilating with even the smallest dilator gave me immense fear. The physical portion of the first couple appointments were incredibly nerve-wracking; I was prescribed Xanax to take before each following appointment.

    When I was able to move up in dilator sizes every appointment, I felt accomplished and motivated.

    Just wanted to reach out and share a bit of my story. While there were times of frustration and times I wanted to give up, I’m so glad I went out of my comfort zone to make the first appointment and persevere …”

    My post and another success story from someone who had the botox procedure that is mentioned a lot throughout these forums can be found here:

    The most important step is NOT GIVING UP. It might not be easy but with time and determination you can do it! Vaginismus is SO TREATABLE, it CAN BE FIXED! I can tell that you have determination and drive and will overcome this 🙂

    In my opinion the biggest challenge was when I didn’t exactly know how to use the dilators on my own, but once I was able to put in the smallest one by myself, the rest of my vaginismus “journey” went much smoother (with lots of small successes, like being able to use tampons!)

    I hope this helps a bit, I know firsthand that vaginismus is a lonely thing to go through! Definitely look through some success stories on this forum to show you that there were so many of us in your shoes that were able to overcome this.


    Hi Tinymumbles, I’m so sorry to hear about your wedding night difficulties – that must have been such a devastating moment to discover this issue! Sks823 gave some fantastic advice around this issue (and is the total queen of dilating) but I wanted to jump in and say I can already see that you have a really positive and hopeful attitude, which is so crucial for treating vaginismus. It’s kind of unusual in that unlike a lot of medical issues, it’s INCREDIBLY treatable as long as you’re willing to commit the energy to working on it.

    I agree that a good first step is usually to get dilators and just see if you’re able to insert them. Having a physical therapist or someone else trained in dilating help you insert them is great as well (for those of us who have had penetration issues our whole lives, we probably don’t know how it feels to put something in!) There are other options like the botox procedure as well if you need them – there’s no need to decide now and it’s something you can explore in time as you’re ready. We are happy to answer any questions you have here because we know how hard this is! Congratulations on your marriage and let us know how else we can help you!


    Just wanted to agree with all of the above.

    I hope you have set out to purchase a dilation set, and possibly finding a PT in the area to work with you.

    You might also be a great candidate for the Botox procedure, so if that interests you, don’t hesitate to give us a call to learn more about it.


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