New here – and pregnant in week 29 :)

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    Hi everybody

    I’m new here, and from Denmark, so please be patient with my English 🙂

    I’m 43 years old, and I’ve had vaginismus “forever”. The last 8-10 years I have developed and has been able to have intercourse, but now it’s been quite a while, since I have been single for some years now. Meanwhile I have also tried to become pregnant (on my own) by fertility treatment, and now at last I’m 29 weeks pregnant 🙂

    So during my many treatments before I got pregnant I have managed to do a lot of vaginal scans and also IVF-treatments. None of it was “fun”, but I am able to do it. So during this proces I really feel that I have had my “limits moved” – I’m not sure how to express that correctly, but by being able to do more of these things that was terrifying for me for so many years, I feel I have also gained more strength within myself.

    But now, my next “challenge” will be giving birth. And I happily found this forum, and hope to get some advice or listening to your experiences about this.

    Here in Denmark we have a social health care system that “takes care” of me and my coming child. that also means that I can’t just pick a midwife (and/or doctor) that I prefer for my birth, because it will be the ones having the shift that day / those specific 8 hours their shifts last.
    I do see a midwife (from the system) who is really nice and very understanding, and I would love to have her with me (and she would like it too) but we just don’t know until “The Day” if it’s on her shift or not.

    So, I have of course considered a C-section, but I do still want to mentally give vaginal birth a try. I have really tried not to “freak myself out” before time, and thereby just trying to take this process step by step. But now we start to get closer, and by discussing my “challenge” with my midwife and a doctor and thinking about it a lot myself, I’m now realizing that the best thing I can do, is to find out how I can PREPARE MYSELF in the best possible way, mentally and also physically – And that’s where I hope that you guys have some experiences that could be interesting and helpful.

    Thank you very much for listening, and let me know if I can also help you in any way 🙂


    Hi LunaDK – welcome to the forums, and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS on your coming baby! That is wonderful news and you must be so excited.

    I understand completely what you mean about pushing your limits – it sounds like you were able to overcome fears and discover levels of strength you didn’t even know you had, which is amazing. It shows your dedication and willpower!

    I want to say up front that I have never had a baby or been pregnant, but I have read some things about it in my own research of vaginismus. The first thing to keep in mind – NOTHING will stop your baby, even if you have tightened vaginal muscles, from coming! There’s a bit of info about why here:

    I hope that knowing you will be able to have the baby no matter what will give you some peace of mind! It’s frustrating also that you can’t guarantee your midwife will be working the day you go into labor, but is there someone else you can count on to be there on this day? Maybe a close friend or family member? Knowing some of what will happen might help you visualize what the birth will be like and give you more confidence. If not a person, maybe you can bring certain music, objects, scents, books, or anything else to bring you comfort during the birthing process that you can plan in advance.

    MANY people on these forums have had babies and can hopefully speak with more knowledge to your questions, but I have complete faith in you – you’ve shown strength enough to get this far!



    I also don’t have experience with pregnancy yet but I want to congratulate you – I completely understand what you mean when you say your limits have moved – you’ve definitely gone through a lot that may have seemed impossible before! That’s awesome & should be celebrated 🙂

    In one post, I read that “there’s an inflatable dilator that you can use in the weeks leading up to birth that you inflate to become closer to 10cm, then ‘push’ out, so that you can become slightly more accustomed gradually to the sensation of stretching and pushing from birth.” It also has some other tips, like pre-natal yoga classes:

    Congratulations on your pregnancy 🙂 and keep us updated!

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