New here

[Maggie]

Hello everyone,

I’ve been married now for over a year. I have never had sexual intercourse, papsmear, worn a tampon, etc. my husband and I would like to start a family but I’m finding that each time we attempt intercourse, I close my legs and wiggle away. I’ve tried visiting a gynecologist but she was no help. She was trying to get in between my legs to do an exam and kept telling me to “just relax.” That made me more scared. She sent me home with the advice of drinking wine and making sure I’m a rounded and lived up before attempting intercourse. I’ve heard those tips many times before and tried it. I still get scared at the thought of being penetrated. Please help.

[recessivegenequeen]

Welcome to the forums, Maggie! It takes a lot of bravery to start looking for answers, so just know that you’re taking a huge step already in asking for help.

If you’ve done much looking around the forums, you’ll realize that your experience is EXTREMELY familiar, from the difficulty with sex to the useless advice from gynecologists to “just relax.” We all know how hard what you’re going through is, but I hope it will give you some comfort to know that you’re not alone, and that vaginismus is COMPLETELY curable with the right treatment.

What you do next depends on how you want to go about this. My personal advice is to call the Maze Clinic for a free 10-minute consultation (you can find their phone number at the bottom of this web page, or you can submit a form if you’re nervous about calling first). The staff at the clinic can help you better understand your specific issues and confirm whether they thing you have vaginismus (it’s likely you do but there are other possible vaginal pain-related explanations like vulvodynia). One of the best things calling the Maze clinic can do for you is to help you realize there are qualified medical professionals out there who will listen to your problem and speak to you with gentleness, empathy, and understanding. This was really key to my treatment early on, to feel that I wasn’t alone in all this.

Depending on your confidence level, you can also try dilating on your own to start treating your issues with sex. Dilating on its own never worked for me personally (I got the botox treatment at Maze and then started a dilator program, which was enormously effective for me). I also recommend getting the book by Dr. Pacik, who pioneered the botox treatment, which is called “When Sex Seems Impossible.” There’s a ton of info on these forums about dilator sets and strategies, and we’re always happy to answer your questions here as well!

[Sks823]

Maggie,

I’m so so sorry to hear that you’re unable to have sex, but it’s great that you found this website and know that you may have vaginismus. I overcame vaginismus using dilators of increasing size and going to Maze Women’s Health center every couple/few weeks to help me with the dilators (so physical therapy… for my muscles down there).

I DEFINITELY relate to your story, and I think that you might feel comfort in reading my success story, as I was in an extremely similar boat and got through dilation therapy a much more confident and strong person – and it was obviously the hugest weight off my shoulders to not feel anxious and worried about sex – I honestly can’t even describe the relief! I also want to have a family one day.

I think I was a difficult case seeing as I also couldn’t wear tampons, hadn’t had a pap smear, and had EXTREME anxiety my first few appointments.

Here are a couple quick excerpts from my post:
“This comes from me being a very difficult case – I couldn’t wear tampons from the pain/fear, and the thought of dilating with even the smallest dilator gave me immense fear. The physical portion of the first couple appointments were incredibly nerve-wracking; I was prescribed Xanax to take before each following appointment.
…
When I was able to move up in dilator sizes every appointment, I felt accomplished and motivated.
…
Just wanted to reach out and share a bit of my story. While there were times of frustration and times I wanted to give up, I’m so glad I went out of my comfort zone to make the first appointment and persevere …”

My post and another success story from someone who had the procedure that recessivegenequeen mentioned can be found here:
http://mazewomenshealth.com/forums/topic/reflections-in-the-new-year/

I think calling Maze for their free consultation is a good idea. Another early step may be buying dilators or making an appointment with a women’s health center that specializes in vaginismus, and then NOT GIVING UP. It might not be easy but with time and determination you can do it! Vaginismus is SO TREATABLE, it CAN BE FIXED!

I hope this helps a bit, feel free to private message with any questions or concerns. I know firsthand that vaginismus is a lonely lonely thing to go through – but YOU CAN DO THIS! Definitely look through some success stories on this forum to show you that there were so many of us in your shoes that were able to overcome this.