Initiating Sex: The Marble

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    Hi all. One thing that has always been a challenge for my hubby post-procedure is being the one to initiate sex. He was always used to rejection and it being such a negative experience that it was difficult for him to adjust to it not being like this every time he initiated. We fell into a rut post-baby of us both being exhausted and it not happening as much as we wanted. We are definitely coming out of this and both taking turns initiating again. One thing that I read from an earlier post, we talked about and are going to try. I wanted to share in case it also helps someone else out or gives you ideas as a couple for initiating sex.

    Nicole has written: “This couple had developed a way to discreetly signal to each other when one of them wanted to have sex, but without pressuring the other person to have it right at that moment. So they had a marble (any trinket will work), and if, for example, the husband wanted to have sex he would place the marble on his wife’s nightstand. They had an agreement that when the marble is placed, they will have sex within the next 24 hours – and it’s up to the person who receives the marble (wife) to determine when she wants to have it. This allowed the husband to “tell” his wife he wanted to be intimate with her, without having any fear of rejection from her. This also allowed the wife some control, because she then determined when they would have sex… so she did not feel pressured to perform at that moment. I know this won’t work for everyone, but I thought I would share the idea =)”


    Heather, I think the marble idea is an awesome one! I had similar issues to this after my procedure of my partner being worried about hurting me during sex, which in turn reduced his sex drive. We ended up dealing with some of his sexual issues while I was getting treated as well, which was a really interesting experience. I think it’s definitely important for both partners to be the one to initiate sex sometimes so that the feeling of being desired runs both ways – I think I’ll try something like this marble trick and see how it works for me!

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