I need some advice…

Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Vaginismus General I need some advice…

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  • #8622
    Hansen09
    Participant

    I have some questions about how to deal with having Vaginismus. I recently contacted Dr. Pacik and I have what appears to be Level 5 Vaginismus. Naturally, I want the procedure done like yesterday! Due to my current financial situation my husband and I can not afford to get it yet. So, one of my questions is…..What can I do in the mean time? Is this something I just have to wait to get fixed or are there other things I can be doing to help the process?

    My other question is a bit more complicated and may not even be able to get answered. For some context…my parents try to be very involved in helping me “get over” this issue. After my first year of being married my very religious parents confronted us about us having sex after me asking my mother if she ever had any problems having sex when she got married. It was a very awkward “counseling” session with them. My father even said,to my husband, that he wouldn’t be able to tolerated this problem. After my bad experience with my first Gynecologist visit and finding out about Dr. Pacik’s procedure I am 100% convinced that this is what I need! For some reason my parents don’t agree. My parents were originally very supportive in helping me find treatment (my mother feels responsible for me having these issues), even flying me across the country just for getting a check up to see what was wrong with me. For some reason my parents are skeptical about me getting this procedure now. They want me to find other doctors in their area (away from my husband) to get someone else to pick and pry at me to figure out what is wrong with me. I have tried to get them to read the book or even read this website and its like they don’t believe me when I say that this is what I need to get over this! My husband and I need their help financially to get this procedure done anytime in the near future but how am I supposed to communicate with parents who have always had a hard time talking about this subject in the first place? I feel like my parents involvement makes this process harder when they add in their opinions all the time but I obviously still need their help. I feel like I am at a dead end now because I can’t make anyone understand this whole thing. I hope someone understands what I am saying and has some advice because I have no idea how to address this issue with them anymore.

    My last question is for my husband. He seems to avoid this subject when he can but he is extremely supportive to help me get this procedure. How do I help my husband through this whole process? And what can he do?

    Thank you for all of your kind words and stories that you have shared on here! It really does help!

    #10223
    Allie
    Participant

    This breaks my heart!

    To answer your first question about what you could do in the meantime.. I have tried everything and the only thing that helped me progress was pelvic floor physical therapy. She would help me with my dilators and internal stretching. I did have to take xanax before my appts. I was able to complete a exam after months of therapy, but we still can’t have sex. I found my physical therapist by searching online.

    I am so sorry that your parents aren’t supportive right now. It would definitely help them understand if they would research the website or read the book like you asked them to. Maybe even see if they would be willing to speak with Dr. Pacik. I understand that you need financial help. My husband and I were in the same boat. There are financial options available. We applied for and are using care credit. Is there anyone else in your family that you can confide in and ask for help?

    My husband and I have been married almost 6 years. He has always been supportive like your husband. He used to just avoid the problem too. We have learned to communicate with each other through this. We still have bad days, but we are closer now more than ever. The best thing your hubby can do for you now is to continue being supportive and patient with you. I would always try to communicate and let my husband know how much I appreciate him. We had to be intimate in other ways. 🙂

    I don’t know if this helps you at all, but I’m sure other ladies will have better advice for you! Best wishes!! I will be praying that your parents become more supportive and that you get help financially to go for treatment. Best wishes!!

    Allie:)

    #10224
    Blondiexo
    Participant

    Hi i recently about 3 weeks ago got this procudure and also had level 5 vaginismus. Which is the worst case. I’am only 20 so when i found out on my own about dr.pacik and his botox treatment i knew that it was the only thing that would work for me and even though it was expensive id stop at nothing so i told my parents. They parents were both skeptical because it seems kind of strange and why dont more people offer it. My advice for you is to explain in great detail to your parents how much this means to you. Break down and have your husband explain to them too. Send them this website make them hear you. For someone who has level 5 i personally think its a must to get the botox for me the word sex or even tampon comercials made me physically sick and nervous! So i know that the other treatment out there wasnt for me. Sometimes insurance companys cover this procudure so defenitly check that out. In the mean time theres nothing you can do but wait and your husband cant do much either but support you. And know that theres no doubt in my mind that this wont work for you. I know it will. Always have hope and let mw know how it goes! Hope this helped a little. This procudure changed my life in just one day.

    #10225
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Please provide your parents with the following personal note from me:

    I am writing to you to describe the condition of vaginismus and my own personal story in overcoming it. I suffered from primary vaginismus for my entire relationship/marriage and was cured last year within 1 week of having Dr. Pacik’s procedure. What is so difficult to understand for family members of women with vaginismus is just how hard it is to discuss openly. I have never been able to tell any of my family members even after being cured and I applaud your daughter for her bravery in doing just that. Here is my own personal story in overcoming vaginismus:

    I am currently 35 years old and happily married to a wonderful man. We’ve been together for 12 years total, including 6 years of marriage this coming October. For 11 years of our relationship, we were unable to have intercourse as I suffered from primary vaginismus. I was unable to tolerate any form of penetration (even a q-tip) due to the excruciating pain that it caused. I visited a gynecologist in 2008 and was diagnosed with vulvodynia / vaginismus. Thereafter, I tried several different treatments, including pelvic floor physical therapy and trying to insert dilators on my own while completing the work book from vaginismus.com. Both of these methods failed to work as I couldn’t relax enough to insert anything and, again, felt a significant amount of pain and burning sensation whenever I would try. This was incredibly frustrating for both my husband and I to experience. Furthermore, throughout the many years that I suffered with vaginismus, my husband and I told no one except the one gynecologist and one physical therapist that I visited. Not even our closest family members and friends knew any of what we were experiencing. Thereafter, in May of 2011, my husband and I were researching vaginismus and found the website of Dr. Peter Pacik who was located in the state of NH. We thoroughly read his book and knew that we had finally found a doctor that both understood the condition of vaginismus and truly cared so much about his patients. We ended up meeting Dr. Pacik and I received his treatment in 2011. Within 1 week of this, my husband and I were able to have pain-free intercourse for the first time and it was truly the most memorable date of our lives. Since this time, I have never experienced any pain at all with any form of insertion (i.e. while using dilators, with gynecological exams and tests, and with intercourse). My own personal story is a testament to how I overcame my 11 year struggle with severe female sexual pain in the form of vaginismus. I whole-heartedly know that if I hadn’t received this treatment, I would continue to suffer from vaginismus today. Since being cured, my husband and I have experienced one of the best years of our lives and marriage and we couldn’t be happier.

    In closing, I want to reiterate to you how important this procedure was for me. I suffered for so many years of my life in silence with vaginismus and your daughter has suffered as well as it is such a difficult thing to discuss. I am entirely confident that this procedure is the only thing that could’ve ever cured my vaginismus and now we have a truly wonderful life and marriage free of this horrible condition.

    In addition to my own story, I would love to share with you a second story from another one of Dr. Pacik’s treated patients:

    “My name is Amanda Miller. I’m 28 years old and have been married for 3 years. I have had vaginismus as long as I can remember. Since this isn’t something that you like to talk about I struggled with this for so long in silence. I thought there were truly something wrong with me and that I was never going to be able to have intercourse. I went to OBGYN’s who didn’t know what the problem was, who then referred me to a sex therapy and the Dr kept trying to convince me that something must have happened to me because it isn’t usual. I never went back to her because I knew that there was something wrong. I then got sent to physical therapy with bio feedback. This helped just while I was in the office and as soon as I left I still was unable to do anything different than before. When I switched to my current OBGYN, he had heard about vaginismus, and said we would work with dilation, I still felt like I was going nowhere because I was unable to even insert a dilator. That’s when my husband and I started doing research online and found a website about Botox for vaginismus. After reading it over and over again I felt like this could be my last try for success. So I sent an email and received all my paperwork through email, I was so excited I sent it right back and within 10 mins Dr. Pacik himself called. I was amazed and he made me feel so comfortable and normal, I realized I was not the only one with this problem and that he could cure me. We decided to go through with it and schedule this procedure with Dr. Pacik. We flew from Memphis, TN to NH. The day of my procedure was Dec 12,2011, I was nervous for it but I relaxed once I met all the staff and the comfort they gave me. When I came back from the procedure with the biggest dilator in, I was in complete shock, I was normal and it can happen 🙂 the next day when we came in we worked on dilating and learning about our bodies. On day 8 after my procedure my husband and I finally were able to have intercourse. That was something that I never thought I could do. I of course am sticking to the dilating schedule that was given to me but being able to have intercourse has changed my life and my relationship with my husband. I am so thankful that I took the chance and went and did this procedure because without it I would still be sitting in silence and feeling alone. I now can scream from the rooftop that I am cured and it was all thanks to Dr. Pacik and his staff. If anyone has anything they want to ask me about the procedure or the aftermath please do not hesitate to ask, I am definitely here to help anyone. :)”

    Finally, I would love to share the personal testimony from a family member of one of Dr. Pacik’s treated patients:

    “This is not my success story but that of my niece. I will not get into her back story. She is a member of this forum and that is hers to tell if she chooses. I want to tell you about what I witnessed. My niece diagnosed herself, found Dr. Pacik and set up this procedure on her own. Her mother, her boyfriend, her brother and I went to NH with her. Her brother stayed at the hotel while the rest of us accompanied her to Dr Pacik’s office. He encouraged us to be in the room with her during the procedure. She said that was what she wanted so we scrubbed up and went in, sitting at a discreet angle, of course. I won’t get into detail but what I saw that day affected me deeply. It was a very intense experience and up until that point I did not know the full magnitude of what she was dealing with. She was tough and came through it like a rock star and her boyfriend was truly stellar in his support of her. She is having great success now and is happy as she can be. This experience has changed me profoundly and all I want to do is help encourage others who are considering this procedure or are perhaps hesitant. Dr. Pacik is a truly warm individual who really cares about his patients. During the procedure he turned to us periodically to explain what he was doing and why and he kept us all very involved in my niece’s treatment. He will put you at ease immediately and put your fears to rest. Everyone at his office was wonderful and supportive and went out of their way to make us all feel involved and secure. This procedure has given my niece the opportunity to become a mother in the future. Who knows what her future would have been without this treatment? I encourage everyone who has been through this or has witnessed a family member go through this to start writing those letters! Write to The Doctors, and Dr Phil and Dr Oz and whoever else you can think of that can get this message out. All this money and research and time has been spent working on men’s sexual issues, it is time to focus on the ladies! Thank you, Dr. Pacik, for giving my niece her confidence back!”

    Please know that we are all here in support of your daughter and her journey in overcoming vaginismus.

    #10235
    Hansen09
    Participant

    Thank you for all of your help! My parents are being much more supportive than I ever thought they would! Even my father is being very supportive! I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have support from all of you. Thank you for your advice because it really did work!

    #10257
    mmbayles91
    Participant

    Hey, that last little story from my aunt is about me 🙂 This procedure has completely changed my life, I have never been so happy and finally feel like I am “normal” due to the fact everyone around me (as im in college) was able to have sex with people (random people at that) and I couldn’t even have sex with my own boyfriend of 2.5 years. I hope everything works out for you 🙂 Please keep us updated!!!

    #10348
    Dr. Pacik
    Participant

    This story surfaced once again as Hansen09 continues to explore possibilities of treatment. There is some information that I would like to share:
    Insurance companies have improved their payout and my patients are very often getting 50-75% of the fees reimbursed. (The Botox injections are still considered experimental and not covered, despite FDA approval of my research.) Diane has taken over submitting claims for patients and this has made all the difference with her 25 years of coding experience and her passion to help women suffering from this condition. (Jenn at my office can put you in touch with Diane.)
    Additionally, it must be remembered that severe grade 5 vaginismus is diagnosed mostly by history because these patients are unable to tolerate a pelvic floor examination. For a woman who is unable to tolerate any penetration, it is impossible to do a proper examination because of the extreme fear and anxiety related to any touch in this area. Even in my surgicenter we have to very carefully titrate the amount of sedation, because too much sedation or the need for anesthesia eliminates the important physical finding of spasm of the entry muscle, the bulbocavernosum. So random checks by a GYN not familiar with this condition is not productive. Vaginismus is one of the easiest of the sexual pain disorders to treat and yet so much mystery and misinformation surrounds this condition. Hopefully as we move forward, and the condition becomes more well known, much of this will change. This is one of many reasons why it is so important for women to contact magazines, radio shows and TV, to tell their stories. When patients know more than their doctors, the doctors will want to be educated in this field.

    #11917
    Hansen09
    Participant

    I came back to this forum after not being active in any treatment for some time now. A lot has happened since I had posted this. After losing my job and my husband losing his as well….I have been at a loss. We are now living with my mother in law and getting any treatment seems impossible. Thankfully, I now have a job and so does my husband. I even have insurance now on my own and have my first doctors appointment set in 2 weeks. I have printed out information about the procedure and will be taking it with me. During the time I have avoided treatment I purchased the pure romance dialators and have still not used them. Time with my husband has helped as I believe we were able to break my hymen. Afterward, I cried and for the first time told my husband some things from my past that has effected my fears in having sex. It was a huge step but, I feel that the pain from that made my fears worse. I have felt pressure from my family to have kids and living with my mother in law has made this more difficult on me. I became so tired of the questions and continuous asking of if anything has happened yet that I lied to the people that I was open about this with. I told them it was no longer a “problem” and it only backfired. Now I am asked all the time if Im pregnant yet. My husband has lost hope and has decided that he is fine with never having sex with me if I cant do it. I am not okay with it and I am done being in a battle with myself. I hope that I have no more road blocks and will be able to continue on this road to be free from this madness. My first hurdle is going to a doctor (which I havent done since the last time I posted about going to the doctor). Wish me luck!

    #11919
    Nakitalab
    Participant

    Hi Hansen09, I’m so sorry for all the challenges you have been going through. It makes dealing with Vaginismus even more difficult and magnified. Especially if you have people around you badgering you. Vaginismus is all consuming by itself without having to be constantly reminded by friends/family by asking personal questions. That is awesome that you purchased the pure romance dialators. It is a good first step along with making a doctor’s appointment. My heart breaks for you as I read that you were able to share with your husband for the first time some things from the past that causes you more fear with sex. That too is a huge step and he sounds like he is very supportive of you. Please know that we are all here for you. Wishing you luck with your doctor’s appointment! Hugs

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