First time sex / hymen? Or vaginismus?

Home Forums Vaginismus Support Group Sexual Pain That May Not Be Vaginismus First time sex / hymen? Or vaginismus?

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    Hi there,

    After a quick search on Google I ended up on this forum.

    I’m 21 and I had sex for the first time last week. I’ve been together with my BF for nearly two years but we both wanted to wait a while before we started having sex (we’ve been experimenting for a long time, but only from the ‘outside’ – he penetrated me for the first time last week).

    The issue is: it hurt when we had sex, and I also lost some blood. Some of my friends said this is normal, and I never used tampons/cups/vibrators so it might have been my hymen… I’m not sure.

    After reading an interview with someone who has vaginismus, I got kinda scared I might have that too.

    So my question actually is: how much pain is “normal” when you have sex for the first time? No one seems to be able to tell me what it feels like when your hymen stretches or tears… might it have been that? Or is there a chance I do have vaginismus?


    Hi, anna2000! I think what you experienced was normal. Especially never having anything in your vagina prior to penetrative sex. Yes, some blood loss is okay, as long as it isn’t an abnormal amount. But your vagina is a muscle, and yours had to stretch to a size it’s never had to stretch to before. Just like at the gym, when we use our muscles in a way they aren’t familiar with or used to, it’s normal for the muscle to be sore. However, I would never knock dilating! If you’re interested, you could purchase a dilating kit. They start off as small as your pinky, and go all the way up to a penis sized dilator. And you could do physical therapy for 20 minutes a day to help your body adjust to this new change in your sex life. Dilating would help you stretch those muscles to easily fit a penis in comfortably. If not, the next time you want to have sex, insert the penis slowly and allow it to stay in place inside you for a minute, to allow your vagina to adjust to what’s inside and then start with slow movements, until you feel you’re able to go with a faster/harder pace. This always works wonders for me! If you are experiencing pain that you feel isn’t normal, I’d definitely advise a trip to the gynecologist. Congratulations on this new chapter of your life! I hope this helps!

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