Dilator progress

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    Hi! I am new to this forum and I am glad I have stumbled across it.

    I am 24 years old and last year I had a bad sexual experience while at a party and since then I have not been able to have intercourse with anybody. I went to the doctor and they gave me dilators as I cannot take anything up there. I used to only be able to take up to #3 but this week I managed to do number #4 out of 5. Then I tried again with #4 but it hurt more and it didn’t go in so easy. I have not been using them all the time but is that normal and is it normal for this to be a slow process? What if i never make improvements? can someone give me advice.


    Hi Alexagx! I’m so sorry to hear about your difficult sexual experience at that party and the pain that has resulted from it – I know how painful that can be.

    First of all – it’s EXTREMELY normal for dilator progress to be slow. To use an analogy, it’s helpful to think about it like you’re training for a big race. You won’t immediately be able to run miles at a time, but as you practice day after day, you’ll find yourself able to run faster and for longer distances, and eventually you’ll be able to run the race! Dilating is the same way. As much as you might want to, you can’t skip straight to the largest dilator – you’ll have to get comfortable with the smaller ones first.

    The biggest piece of advice I can give if you want to see results is to use the dilators EVERY DAY. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes, the more your vaginal muscles are getting stretched and worked, the easier it will get, and then you’ll be able to insert the larger dilators with more ease. Also, you might already be doing this, but since you didn’t mention it specifically, be sure you’re using lots of lubricant when inserting them! Dilators are NOT meant to be sexually arousing, so it’s unrealistic to expect them to just slide right in.

    You WILL see improvements over time if you continue to dilate regularly. It’s a frustrating process that requires a lot of patience, but the payoff is huge when you see how much progress you’ve made.



    It is COMPLETELY NORMAL! I completely agree with recessivegenequeen’s suggestions. I always suggest (when feeling discomfort/pain that kinda makes you wanna give up) to go back to the previous dilator and work with it for longer before trying again. Feeling pain, discomfort, and other feelings like anxiety is completely normal when dilating and moving up in size. I went through this a lot during my time with dilators, but I eventually got through all dilators!

    Continue to be consistent and don’t get discouraged if you’re not moving as quickly through the dilators as you’d like! When I got pain from dilating it was usually because I wasn’t quite ready for that size (or of course if I wasn’t using enough lubricant). I went at a very slow and steady pace with the dilators and it worked for me. Watching TV or something on my phone while dilating also helped me relax a bit and not solely concentrate on the dilating/pain. Also try deep breathing exercises and moving it in veeeery slowly the first time you try a new one – not sure if that helps everyone, but that helped me a lot!

    Remember that whatever pain you’re feeling is temporary and it’s the muscles getting used to something they’re not used to (I’m not in the medical field but that’s what I think)!

    Also, I’ve tried a couple different lubricants and I like coconut oil the best. Use of a vibrator also helped me with some discomfort!

    Definitely keep at it and you’ll regain your confidence. Yes, it was a slower process for me; I took my time with each dilator and eventually made it through them all. Good luck and keep us posted!

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