Avoidance Coping

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  • #8850
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi all. I recently was advised of an excellent article concerning Avoidance Coping:

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201303/why-avoidance-coping-is-the-most-important-factor-in-anxiety

    In a prior post, Dr. Pacik has written about facing fears:

    “Sunfish, your post is profound: “… Standing up and staring vaginismus in the face is terrifying.” You have shared one of the deepest secrets of some of my patients who do become complacent with the status quo and never share this with their partners. I would urge everyone on the Forum to read this carefully and think about it. Most of us do become complacent with what is. Change disrupts the balance and is more work. We have to pack up our belongings and move elsewhere, physically and mentally. What if the move makes us unhappy? Change represents moving into the unknown, a leap of faith that we are making the right decision. Know that you are not alone with these thoughts. I would love to hear from the others. What were your concerns? Your fears? Let’s get the skeletons out of the closet and share these deepest secrets. Then they are secrets no longer! Sunfish, I look forward to meeting you and helping you. You will be joined on Tuesday by two other wonderful women coming in for the same thing. By the time you leave the clinic you will be a sunfish with new colors!”

    I certainly used almost every avoidance trick in the book while suffering with vaginismus in the past. For example, I would work between 60-80 hours per week as a means of avoiding this condition. I mistakenly believed it would somehow fix itself. Only after researching, finding Dr. Pacik’s treatment, contacting the office, and having the procedure did I finally face the condition “head on” and become cured – thank God and thank Dr. P for this blessing!!! I understand whole-heartedly how difficult it is to face this head on but please know that it is 100% possible and you, too, can be cured from vaginismus. I am here for you through all of the steps in your journey!!!

    Ladies, did you also use avoidance while suffering with vaginismus? If so, how did you push beyond this and finally face it head-on?

    #11327
    lotus1000
    Participant

    Heather, this is such an awesome post and I think the key and bottom line to much of much of my suffering with vaginismus. I have always been super avoidant and, as a physician, I could always fill my evenings with more and more patients to see, rather than coming home and facing alone time with my husband that could never be intimate in the way we wanted. We traveled, we worked – all ways of avoiding the reality of our feelings and vaginismus. I think part of avoidance is a fear of “failure” (yet again), so why try another thing? When I first called about Dr. P’s treatment, I was certain that it would be yet another thing – but 2 months later, I am cured and grateful.

    #11334
    Nakitalab
    Participant

    lotus1000 I’m so very happy for you!

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