Anexity Issues and concerns

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    I have been dilating 43 straight days, with minimal pain, but I a have alot of anxiety not sure where it is coming from. I feel I am getting depressed and overly anxious. Don’t get me wrong I am so happy for the other women and their success in achieving intercourse, i feel like something is wrong with me, are there any suggestions, i feel like i am falling back into my depression and I feel i am struggling.


    Oh Coffee, I’m so sorry you are struggling. There is nothing wrong with you. I totally understand about the anxiety and depression. In fact, I am on a low dose of lorazepam for anxiety and have been taking an anti-depressant for a long time. So please don’t be so hard on yourselves. Every woman’s journey is going to be different. However, the one thing we do have is this Forum and each other. We don’t have to take this journey alone anymore. I am here for you and would love to e-mail you if you ever feel comfortable. Hang in there. I’m praying for you.



    I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this, and I think that your stage in the game (40+days) is a real mental battle. I didn’t manage to achieve intercourse until 48 days after the procedure, but this felt like a lifetime, and it was a real battle of the will to stay positive, religiously dilating day after day, reading of other women’s more instant success stories and wonering if I was the one it just wasn’t going to work for.

    It sounds like you’ve had depression before? Anxiety and depression are real issues – you may want to seek help from your doctor who may be able to advise some medication that could help, or some kind of counselling, like Cognitive behavioural therapy which is really good at helping you to retrain your thought patterns to be more positive.

    As for the dilating, what do you think is holding you back from achieving intercourse? Is it the anxiety? It took us quite a few attempts before actually managing intercourse, I wouldn’t say it was an easy transition, and we could have probable achieved it a bit earlier in the game if we knew what we were doing!!

    As Nikitalab says, do hang on in there, perseverence really is the key with this, and you WILL get there if you keep going (I know, I didn’t believe people when they said this to me until I managed it myself!)

    Arose xx


    Hi coffee. I am so sorry that you are experiencing anxiety. As Dr. P has said so many times, “you have to catch up emotionally to where you are physically.” I am very, very proud of you and how much you have accomplished and believe in you 100%. I know that you and your wonderful husband will be able to move forward past this hurdle as well. What helped me significantly both pre and post-procedure for dilating and intercourse was clinical hypnosis. It is similar to a deep form of meditation and helps so, so much with relaxation in very specific targeted areas. Some additional very, very helpful posts surrounding managing anxiety, include:

    “Dr. P
    There are many ways to handle anxiety, such as a glass of wine, listening to your favorite music, etc. For a panic reaction it is not that easy.
    One way of trying to establish ongoing control is the technique of “anchoring” which was described years ago in the literature of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) programming
    The place of peace could be as simple as the joy of smelling freshly baked brownies or tasting them. The smell or taste image is brought up each time when encountering an anxiety provoking situation, this becomes the anchor. More can be read in the extensive literature and books on NLP. Just do a search for books Neurolinguistic programming. One of the early books was “Frogs into Princes” by Bandler and Grinder available on

    I experienced [panic attacks] for a number of years and now I rarely get them. I learned to understand what they were and their signs and symptoms and I began to talk back to the negative thoughts that would run away with me in my head.

    I just wanted to share, that I am currently doing a method which my therapist taught me last week called Meridian Tapping Techniques (MTT). I was told and shown to tap on various acupressure points (your meridian points) on you body in a sequence, whilst focusing on the emotion and making positive statements at the same time. It takes a bit of practice at first and helps calm anxiety.”

    I hope this helps you coffee and know that we are all here to support you!


    thanks everyone for your encouraging words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am now seeing a therapist, so hopefully i can gain some control over this anxiety. I am on some medicine as well thanks so much, and allie I will be sending you a email.

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