20 Tips for Future Patients

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    14. From hopejones: Communicate with those around you as well and the staff at the clinic. Communicate with your partner, they want you to get better as much as you do. Communicate with those around you, vaginismus is nothing to be ashamed of and you never know if someone you know is suffering from the same thing. Dr. P and his staff are there to answer questions and comfort you during this whole process.

    Dr. Pacik

    15. Practice MINDFULNESS

    We are all aware of the importance of “being in the moment”. Rather that fighting the dilation process (pain is the enemy, “I don’t want you”, “I am afraid of pain”) think of assigning a number to your experience, knowing that in a few moments the quality of this experience changes. Relax through the experience by breathing and doing Kegels (contractions of the pelvic floor) and work slowly towards your goal knowing that you can do it. Think of lighting candles, music, self stimulation to further relax. Then assign a new number to your experience. Progress is rarely linear, there are always moments of success and setbacks. Simply accept these in a mindful state. The same holds true as you progress towards intercourse.


    16. Experience each session with patience and a beginner’s mind

    Rather than emphasize a need to “do better” than the prior session and demonstrate objective progress each time, clients are encouraged to experience each session with a beginner’s mind … experience the activity as if for the first time, without any preconceived notions or expectations based on prior experiences.

    Janet Pacik

    On November 29, 2012, we posted a blog titled “20 Tips for Future Patients, Part I”. Would love to write a Part 2 of this wonderful blog. http://www.vaginismusmd.com/20-tips-for-future-patients-part-i/

    Having these tips are so helpful to our patients starting out. So I ask all the “veteran patients” to read the blog and then read Tips #11 through #16 and see if there is anything you can add to this topic.

    I thank you in advance!

    Janet Pacik

    17. This tip coincides with Tip #8 but I wanted to share this recent post from a women who was able to insert a tampon and a dilator herself but could not progress to intercourse. Dr. Pacik agreed to do remote counseling with Vashalla and she was able to successfully transition to intercourse. Her “helpful tip” is “let your partner insert the dilator for you”. This is very important as it builds trust, confidence and communication which is so important to both you and your partner. The following is Vashalla’s post:

    “Ooh, I have another thought. One of the things my boyfriend and I have been doing during “playtime”, even before working with Dr. Pacik, is to have him insert the dilator for me. At first, it was me putting it in with his hand on it as well, so that he knew my physical and verbal cues. Over time, I let him have more and more control. That allowed us to build that trust and a system of communication that was probably really important last night, especially for missionary position, where the guy has more control.”

    Thank you Vashalla for your wonderful post. To read Vashalla’s success story, follow this link: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=493


    Thanks, Janet! I’d like to add as well that over time as I became more comfortable, I also gave him more control over moving the dilator in and out so that he could learn the best angle for me (and because it felt good). I kind of had a head start in that I already enjoyed penetration with the smaller dilators (#4 when I first stated working with Dr. Pacik), but I think this could help women transition to enjoyable sex, rather than just mechanical sex faster. It could work to show your body and mind that penetration can be fun and enjoyable and help you relax more into it. Only if you’re comfortable with it though. Definitely don’t do anything that will cause more anxiety or pain.

    That’s really only a theory though, so I’d love to hear from other women to see if they found something like that helpful.

    That being said, it’s probably not necessary to try this with the #6 dilator unless he’s a lot bigger than that – maybe not even then. My boyfriend is close to the same size as the #6, but he was a lot more comfortable than it. I’m to the point now that I enjoy penetration with the #5 pretty easily, and that’s plenty good enough for me.

    Janet Pacik

    Vashala, These are all great tips and I thank you very much for sharing. Hopefully, other women will share their thoughts on this too.


    This is a helpful thread for future patients. Vashalla has added #18 above concerning giving her partner more control through participation with dilating and this, in turn, helps you to become more comfortable and trusting in transitioning. This is an excellent post Vashalla. Recently, Becca has added some very helpful tips for future patients, including:

    19. Clothing: Definitely make sure you have some spanx type undies/shorts and yoga (type) pants.

    20. Lubricant: Make sure you use the right lube after your procedure (I had INTENSE dryness from just using the surgilube/lidocaine mix), the Slippery Stuff works really great for me.

    21. Things to bring to NH: I did bring some Advil PM to use for sleeping the first couple nights and I brought a travel pillow for the car, which was amazing.

    22. Emotions: Just so future women know too, it’s totally normal to be emotional or weepie post procedure. 🙂 There is a lot going on physically and emotionally that day and it’s okay to cry. 🙂 I found myself crying quite a bit, but everyone there is so friendly, compassionate and kind.

    23. Group Counseling: I would recommend to take part in the group counseling the next day! This was HUGE for me and my hubby. It is nice to just bounce ideas around, and be able to talk about what you’ve been through and hear other women’s experiences – it was SO NICE to be around people who truly UNDERSTAND what you are going through and to be in a comfortable environment.

    24. Patience: The other thing, the day after my procedure I was feeling frustrated that I wasn’t making as much progress as I wanted to (struggled to even get #4 in) but Dr. Pacik & Ellen kept reassuring and encouraging me that it’s not a race, everyone’s bodies are different, and the botox hadn’t even taken effect yet, so to be patient with myself and know that it will come.

    25. Parking: Oh, and you can park on the street right in front of the house. When we got there we called because we weren’t sure where to park, but we parked all day in front of the office and it was fine.

    These are all excellent tips Becca and will help so much to reduce anxiety for future patients. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! :):):):)


    Thanks for posting those in here for me, Heather! 🙂 Oh, another thing I bought when we were there (because I forgot to bring mine from home) was a handheld mirror! I have a hard time just feeling where to put the dilators in and it’s really helpful for me to be able to see it.

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