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Hi @nina_r

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. It can be so despairing when you keep trying possible solutions and seeing no improvement. Been there done that, unfortunately. And I imagine it’s especially frustrating when you’re trying to get pregnant and stop the tearing at the same time.

All the remedies I tried I listed in a previous post on this thread. What worked the most for me was working with the dilators everyday, doing pelvic floor stretches everyday and keeping the skin moisturised. However, it’s very important that you let the skin heal between one ‘penetration’ attempt and the other, whether it’s sex or dilators. Whenever I accidentally experienced tearing again, either because I didn’t use enough lube during sex or tried to push too hard with the dilators, I felt frustrated but I always gave my skin a few days to heal before I touched it again (it usually doesn’t take more than 2-3 days).

You said your doctor also thinks your area there is very irritated, so I wonder if, in your current (very understandable) state of frustration, you’ve been pushing too hard and making the issue worse by irritating the area again and again and not allowing it to heal between tearing episodes.

What if you were to put the pregnancy attempts on hold for a little while, and focus on fixing the tearing problem first? Would that be at all an option for you?
I realise it’s not an ideal solution but it seems to me like you need to focus on healing your body first. Once the pregnancy arrives, your body will inevitably undergo further stress so you want it to be in the best shape possible.

This however are just my 2 cents as someone who has never been pregnant or attempted to be pregnant herself. Maybe there is someone else on her who has dealt with posteriour fourchette fissuring and pregnancy at the same time?