Reply To: Vaginismus and penis size

[Heather]

Hi Lucyjay!
I absolutely LOVE what Jennifer said about the BRAIN! Vaginismus and our brains go hand in hand. My body was cured before my brain was. For a long time after having been cured and fully able to have penetrative sex, it still hurt a bit and I couldn’t do that many positions. I definitely still had fears and anxiety that sex=pain. And when we’re scared, we tense up. And when we tense up our body goes into defensive mode. You experienced something painful and that’s scary. Understandably, you don’t want to go through that again and your body doesn’t either and that’s why your PC muscles are fighting any penetration at all.

I think since you’ve had a wonderful experience with great sex in the past before this, you should remind your body and yourself why it’s safe and why it feels good and why your body should allow penetration. Go slow and gentle with yourself, and use your finger to go in your vagina just up to the first knuckle and press firmly but gently on the vaginal wall and slowly move your finger clockwise. This is a great massage for the PC muscles and also a great mind-body bonding experience. During this time, remind yourself outloud(saying this outloud gives you more power) that you are safe, you aren’t going to do anything painful, and that it’s okay to surrender to pleasure without anxiety or fear.

This was my most beneficial way to help myself get my mind and body on the same page. But make sure you’re in a good head space, because any stress or anxiety will cause your PC muscles to tighten.

Another good bonding excersize you could do is masturbate. In whatever way you feel most comfortable, and maybe try and incorporate just a little penetration maybe will a small vibrator. This will remind your mind and body that sexual experiences bring pleasure. Take extra good care of yourself right now and don’t push your body to go too fast. You got this!