Hi bluemoon – you can definitely tear your own hymen yourself! If you haven’t torn it already, a tampon, a dilator, a vibrator, or your finger could definitely be used, if that is indeed the issue.

I can’t tell by your post if you’ve been to a gyno or just a general practitioner to get your original diagnosis, but if you DIDN’T see a gyno it might be worth trying to get a more precise answer. If the pain is like a tension or you feel like you’re “pushing against a brick wall” that could be vaginismus – if the pain has been persistent and a long-standing issue, I feel like it might be something more like vaginismus than a hymen issue, which could hurt if it ripped but probably wouldn’t have persistent pain. I’m not a doctor so my recommendation is that you get seen by a gynecologist to know more for sure so you can seek out a treatment that works for you!