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Thanks guys! These responses have all helped so much, it’s so nice to have a space to speak openly about it as I don’t have that in real life really. I’m still unable to insert that last dilator and everytime I try and fail it makes me feel worse, which in turn makes the problem worse. Thanks for the advice on casual dating/hookups too! I think I’m realising how crappy and inadequate vaginismus made me feel in my relationship with my ex and I don’t want to have to face those feelings of letting someone down until I’m confident in the last dilator. It really makes me feel like I’m not a woman (which I know is stupid) and I dread thinking that future partners will see me like that too. I’m also worried I’ll never get to the last dilator comfortably, I really seem to be at a stalemate.