Hey there girl! It breaks my heart to hear you’re hurting over this right now. I know your pain and struggles. I suffered with it for 10 years before I found out what was really wrong with me and I too thought no man could ever want or love me. And that I’d never get cured. But it actually is very highly treatable!! And you can get tampons in, that’s INCREDIBLE! A lot of women with primary vaginismus suffer with just attempting a finger!
I think you should buy yourself a dilating kit. I love mine from Pure Romance! You’ll want to start getting your muscles comfortable and you can do that by using a finger, or the smallest dilator and going clock wise, use the tip to gently press against the wall of your vagina. This was always my warm up before dilating! When you begin dilating, breathe in deep and fill your stomach with air instead of your lungs and insert the dilator. This opens up your vagina! Leave the dilator in for 10 minutes. Allow your body to adjust. Then take it out, put it back in and begin your in and out excercises!! Only go up in size when the dilator you’re using becomes easy! Rest days are important, but you’ll want to do this more days in the week then not. And lots of lube! Also, I highly suggest Googling Yoga stretches for pelvic floor muscles! So helpful!
Lastly, there is a ton of resources and books out there for you! Use them all up! Especially right here in this forum! Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re going to beat this and you are so worthy of love even with vaginismus.
Keep us updated! I hope this helps!