Worried about my daughter

[innezzz]

Sorry for the spelling mistakes, English is not my native language.

I’m slightly worried about my daughter – I’m looking around for advice, and that’s how I found your forum.

I’ve been dealing with vaginismus myself as a teen, resulting in a lot of painful, traumatizing sexual experiences when I was 18-19 years old. I don’t want the same thing to happen to my daughter.

She’s 15 now and she recently wanted to start using tampons, but inserting and removing them was so painful she switched back to pads. I’m scared she will end up (or already has?) vaginism.

Is there something you can do as a mother? Does it make sense to “force” or “suggest” a 15 yo to start using a dilation set? Are there other things she can do herself so I can be sure vaginismus is detected before she starts getting sexually active? I’ve read the suggestion on another board to send her to a gyn, but an internal exam itself is often traumatizing for vaginismus patients so this is probably not the best thing to do either… Also, it’s not the easiest subject to talk about with your daughter…

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi innezzz – I’m really curious about the best way of handling this myself since I really have no idea, although “forcing” your daughter to dilate before she’s ready would probably be counterproductive.

I think a big advantage you have is an awareness of the pain that can happen during sex and what treatment options are possible. If your daughter isn’t interested in inserting anything yet, probably the best thing you can do for her is to let her know what kind of options exist and give her the knowledge she needs to seek out dilators or whatever else she decides when she’s ready or more motivated to pursue penetration in some form. Much like in seeking treatment for vaginismus, I would think that it’s important to be ready on your own timeline – no one can make you ready but you!

[Heather]

Hi innezzz!
You brought up a GREAT topic, and I think I can help! My Mother and I were in the same boat when I was younger. Tampons scared me, so I never used them. I thought that maybe when I was older I’d be ready. But then I got ny first yeast infection, and my Mom had bought me Monistat, the tube you insert into your vagina. I couldn’t do it and I was scared and in a lot of pain. I wasn’t ready at the time, to face that. I knew I had something wrong down there but didn’t even know what it was or how to bring it up, or even describe it. I chalked it up to being young, and said I’d grow out of it when I got older. I didn’t! But I’m cured now. I really think the best thing you can do for her, is let her explore her body on her time, when she feels safe and comfortable enough to do so. Maybe you could have a conversation with her, leaving vaginismus out(it could cause fear or paranoia) and just let her know that she is safe to come to you with any questions about her body. I think it’s amazing that you are paying such close attention to her, she’s a lucky gal to have you as a Mom. And I really hope she never ever has to deal with vaginismus in her life!! Tampons are scary and uncomfortable when just starting out. I’d let her give them another try, on her time. I know a lot of females who don’t and never had vaginismus, that just don’t like tampons because they feel uncomfortable and even hurt. If somehow she DOES have vaginismus, she would have to decide when to get treatment. It took me a LONG time to be ready to dilate. I really think allowing her time to learn her body would be great! I hope this helps 🙂

[kiala2021]

I think you should be careful not to create fear as well, I mean, you could tell her the first time she has sex it can be painful and that it’s normal, but I’d not go into too much details when it comes to vaginismus. Just tell her if it keeps on hurting, she has to talk to you about this.