Why “Just Have a Drink” Did Not Work to Cure My Vaginismus

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. In the past and while suffering with vaginismus, I was told by a doctor to “just have a drink” and this will help you to relax enough to have intercourse. Many times in my 20s while dating my now husband, I would go clubbing/dancing and drink alcohol in excess, thinking that if I got drunk enough, I would be finally able to have intercourse. This was a recipe for disaster as he did not drink and was very uncomfortable with me in this state. I would then try to use the dilators, believing that the alcohol had relaxed my muscles enough for it to finally work just to be disappointed each time. My prescription to “just have a drink” never relaxed neither my mind nor my body enough to even insert a dilator nor my then boyfriend/now husband.

In a prior post, Dr. Pacik has written “anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications, sedatives, hallucinogenic drugs, and excess alcohol have high rates of failure when used for vaginismus.” This certainly was my experience in the past as I noted above believing that alcohol would be a cure for my condition if I drank in excess. I never tried using any anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications so can’t speak of this. For me personally, I just know that despite drinking or trying to take medications, I don’t believe I ever would’ve moved beyond the fear/burning pain and feeling like I was hitting a wall every time I tried to insert anything at all. It took actually waking up from this procedure with the largest dilator inside of me to know that something could be inside of me and be pain-free. Thereafter, the wall that I hit each and every time disappeared and I was able to use the dilators as well as have intercourse with my hubby. These are just a few of the unique aspects of Dr. P’s program that made it work for me when, again, everything else failed including my attempts to self-cure with alcohol.

Has a doctor ever said the same thing to you to “Just Have a Drink” in order to relax enough to achieve intercourse? What have been your experiences with alcohol and vaginismus? What about using other medications, including anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications, etc.?

[Nicole A]

Yes! I had this happen to me… but it wasn’t a doctor, it was a midwife. I tried to make an appointment with a gynecologist and when I made the appointment, I just said I had some “questions” as I was too shy to tell the scheduler why I wanted an appointment. She set me up to speak to a midwife (I have an HMO plan). The midwife just told me to drink a few glasses of wine and relax. I was not advised of the possibility of vaginismus. So when that didn’t work, I just thought something was wrong with me. I also tried drinking excessively in order to have sex… no dice.

[Nakitalab]

My fiance at the time was told by a friend that if he got me drunk he could use his fingers to break my hymen and then everything would be “ok”. Ha! What a joke that was. I knew what was coming and so while being intimate I asked him to please not do it and he assured me that he wouldn’t. Well as soon as I relaxed he rammed to fingers into me. Not only did it not work, it was extremely painful both physically and mentally and it made my situation even worse. I still have trust issues. 🙁

[rachel]

I was told to consume alcohol on many occasions by professionals and told to ‘Just relax.” One doctor even had the balls to tell me that I was “just cold and frigid!” It is terrible that professionals are treating women like this in the year 2013-they really should know better! When I suffered with vaginismus I did try and use alcohol on numerous occasions to try and cure my vaginismus and it didn’t work. I never really drank at all prior to having vaginismus but after living a hellish nightmare for 11 years I found it became quite a crutch at times. Once I had been exposed to it’s relaxing effects I started to use it to escape the psychological pain of vaginismus. I wonder if I had never been introduced to it in the first place as to whether I would have started using it as a crutch.

I think that women are already vulnerable enough when they go to the doctors without introducing them to alcohol and drugs. I also wonder what the incidence of suicide ideation and suicide attempts is with women suffering with female sexual dysfunction issues. I am not sure whether we could ever find that out because most women would never confide in professionals that vaginismus or sexual dysfunction was the reason that they were trying to end their life. I know that I would never have confided in anyone.

[Becca]

@Nakitalab – that is SO awful. 🙁 I would have trust issues after something like that too. 🙁

My first doctor I talked to about all of this said that I needed to relax and did suggest drinking. Also one of my dearest friends, who is very well meaning but truly does not understand this *at all*, has been telling me for the last six years she “swears” if I get drunk it will happen and everything will be resolved. Which I know is ridiculous and untrue. Obviously if it was THAT easy I would’ve done it years ago and not put myself through all these years of torture. One of my other friend’s also just tells me I need to push through the pain, that sex hurts for most people. Which I also know isn’t true and I have tried to talk with her about it. It isn’t supposed to hurt. And this is definitely not something you can just “push through” or will yourself to get over. Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.

It is really sad and frustrating how little awareness there is about this, and how “unacceptable” it feels/is to talk about it to people.

[Heather34]

This is so sad Becca and it is so true how little awareness there is about vaginismus. I tried for years and years to push through the pain and will myself to make it happen and possible and every single time we tried, it still didn’t work. I wish everyone who doesn’t understand the condition could witness what some of the husbands/partners witness while in the procedure room while their wives are having the procedure under anesthesia. They still have the same significant reaction and their body still withdraws and they experience physical spasms, even under anesthesia. In a prior post, one of the partners wrote:

“In the beginning of this problem, I wasn’t a strong believer of the procedure. I didn’t believe it till I finally saw it with my own eyes this past weekend. I saw what “Vaginismus” really is. I witnessed how my fiancee was put under with enough anesthesia to do knee surgery on a 250 pound man, and her vagina was still going into spasms. Dr. Pacik asked that I try to put my finger in her vagina but it was impossible. I didn’t understand how this was even possible. During that moment I felt this pain in my heart and felt horrible for not understanding how she felt the many times we tried and failed.”

[Becca]

I was telling my husband last night that I would like to see for myself the spasms that happen even while under anesthesia. I mean, I know its happening, but it would be actually pretty fascinating to witness that first hand – would make you feel a little less crazy I think!

[Heather34]

Just from the testimony alone from all of the husbands and partners of what they see first-hand in the procedure room, it is so eye-opening and a further validation that these spasms which cause the pain are very real. I totally agree that I would’ve loved to see for myself that my body still had this withdrawal action and I still had these powerful spasms even under anesthesia. The whole thing is so interesting and truly validates the fact that vaginismus also has a serious physiological component that has to be addressed and treated in order for intercourse to work!!!