Vaginismus and masturbation

[Dmarie]

With vaginismus being a response to ‘anticipation of pain,’ is it possible that you can be fine when you’re on your own, but only tense up when you’re with someone else? And if this is the case, I imagine dilators won’t help?

[Sks823]

This is a good question! It definitely varies from person to person, and a suggestion for those going through dilation therapy who have a partner would be to have the partner help you dilate (i.e., insert the dilator for you) to get used to someone else doing the penetration.

That being said, when you get through all the dilators and are rather comfortable inserting them (even if just by yourself), the ‘anticipation of pain’ should be less because you KNOW that this dilator (usually larger than a penis) can fit inside you comfortably. So while it’s a little different with someone else, and nerve-wracking if you’ve had unsuccessful/painful attempts before treatment, you’ve hopefully changed your mindset from “insertion = pain” due to your work with the dilators.

Happy to hear other opinions about this interesting topic, too. Hope this helps!

[Cathleen Kneidl, RPA-C]

I always recommend to patients to do dilation right before attempting intercourse in the beginning. It will help to relax those muscles, and it helps that you know that a penis sized object does indeed fit inside. When attempting intercourse, use plenty of lubrication and choose a position that allows you to have some control of the thrusting.

[recessivegenequeen]

I want to back up everything these two lovely ladies have said! I definitely felt a lot of nervousness at first about being penetrated by a partner even while I was dilating successfully, but Sks823 is right – just as important as the muscle-stretching is the mental understanding the dilators should cause of your vagina’s ability to be penetrated. A lot of the work of vaginismus is the psychological work of unlearning anxiety and stress around sex, and that can be just as difficult as the physical work of dilation. Anything you can do to relax yourself in sexual situations (lighting candles, putting on soft music, dimming the lights, whatever) can help a lot with the mental stress. AND, the more penetration you have, the easier it gets because you can remember your success before and remind yourself it’s possible again. Best of luck on having pain-free intercourse – it’s absolutely possible!

[Marrywill]

Thanks for your information it is very helpful.