Treatment in 1 week!
June 10, 2013 at 2:38 pm #8925Nola218Participant
I am new to the forum – it took me awhile to get my password to work. I wanted to share my story with you all!
I’m 28 years old and have had vaginal pain on penetration ever since the first time I tried, at age 17. I figured it was normal, as everyone told me it would hurt the first time. After it hurt the second, third, and tenth time, I started to realize something was wrong. The partner I was with at the time and I stopped trying because we knew it would be impossible, and the pain was too unbearable. A year later, I was with someone new and we tried again. I thought that maybe this time it would be different, a new partner, different circumstances…still no luck. The pain was too unbearable and it felt like he was trying to shove sand paper into me. Over the past 11 years, I’ve dated many men, but I had a habit of breaking up with them before we attempted intercourse since I didn’t want them to find out about my problem, and I didn’t want to go through the pain of it again. Having to explain it to people was tiring. I guess I was hoping one day I’d find a man who didn’t desire sex and we could live happily ever after. Unfortunately that’s never been the case. I did have a handful of long-term relationships, but sex inevitably broke up each and every one of them, and some of the less understanding men actually left me due to sex alone.
My aversion to sex at first was strictly physical, but at years and years of failed attempts, heartbreak, and guilt, I started developing a psychological reaction to it as well. I had one partner who was not understanding and didn’t understand the word “no” when it came to sex. I learned to hate sex and all things that came with it. I thought it was a disgusting act and I wanted nothing to do with it. I was ok with just holding hands with someone the rest of my life, as the thought of kissing even disgusted me, because kissing usually led to sexual acts. At this point in my life, my libido is non-existent, and I’m worried that that will never change.
I’m now with the love of my life, and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years, minus the few months that I broke up with him because of my fear of sex and my guilt for him dating me when I couldn’t offer him anything. I’m glad he took me back, because now we are in this together and I won’t let sexual dysfunction split us up again. He is the most understanding person I’ve ever been with, and he is just as into the prospect of this treatment as I am.
We are heading to Manchester June 17th, 1 week from today, and we’ll see if this is the solution I believed didn’t exist. I have so much hope, considering just a month ago I truly believed I would never get married or have children as no man would ever want to be with someone who had sexual problems but could not fix them.
My main worries now are probably those that a lot of people have: 1) What if I’m one of the few people that does not respond to this treatment? 2) What if I can never get over my mental “roadblock” when it comes to sex?” I just never thought I would be normal when it came to this, and I even tried identifying as asexual for awhile to escape the notion of never being in a sexual relationship my entire life, so this is so new for me (and quick! my boyfriend just found Dr. Pacik’s website a month ago!) I truly believe this is a miracle and can’t wait to see what this can do for our future.June 10, 2013 at 5:26 pm #11574AllieParticipant
Thank you for sharing your story, you have definitely been through a lot. I am so happy that you have found a supportive man, that is very crucial and will help you tremendously. Congrats on your treatment next week, your life is about to change forever! You will finally be in control of your own body!
I was never able to tolerate sex. I couldn’t even insert a q-tip or a tampon. I thought I was some freak and that I would never live a normal life. Unfortunately, I found out that I couldn’t have sex on my wedding night. My husband and I waited for sex until marriage.. We were married almost 6 years and were never able to have sex. I tried EVERYTHING to “fix” myself, nothing worked. I found Dr. Pacik’s website last year and had treatment in October. Like you I was scared that I would be the only one who this treatment did not work for. I was amazed at the progress I made and my husband and I now are able to enjoy pain free sex! I am also 17 weeks pregnant! Never thought I would be able to have a normal sex life or be a mom one day. Dr. Pacik’s treatment program changed our lives.
I am so excited for you as you begin this journey. You will do amazing. Its totally normal to feel terrified and nervous, but trust Dr. Pacik and his team. You WILL overcome this! We are here for you on this forum if you have any questions at all. I look forward to reading your posts and your progress!
Allie 🙂June 10, 2013 at 6:38 pm #11576elaine0086Participant
Im also having the treatment on the 17th. Im 26 so we are close to the same phase in life:) I have been struggling with Vaginismus for 11 years now after I was a victim of rape. I am unable to even insert a q-tip or tampon. My entire life I have dated guys to just seem “normal” but would break up with them after about two weeks since I knew where it would lead just like you. I would say I have a good libido but up until recent for some reason would kiss guys just because I felt I had to. I always went into a date thinking tonight I want to enjoy a good kissing moment but when it came down to it, it always felt forced and would make me extremely nervous. This might be TMI but considering this type of forum I feel everything can be put on the table lol, but self pleasure was always enjoyable. I met a guy about two months ago that has changed everything for me including my confidence in my sexual drive. Although I have truly put him through the a lot lately (I have explained it on my posting) he has been so incredibly supportive.
I am so happy for you that you are taking the steps to move forward with you life. It is also nice to know of someone else that will be going through this at the same time as me! You could not have posted at a better time. The past couple of days have been hard for me but I feel better reading another’s story. Thank you! This forum has truly been a blessing for me and everyone on here is so caring and supportive. Not sure what I would do with out it. Looking forward to meeting you! Is your boyfriend the one going to be traveling with you?
ElaineJune 10, 2013 at 10:01 pm #11578Heather34Participant
Hi Nola, Allie, and Elaine. Nola, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I just know that you and Elaine are going to do so, so well next week and this procedure will be life-changing for you in so many ways. I shared such a similar story as you in the past and despite how many times my husband and I tried to have intercourse, it never ever worked and caused excruciating pain with all attempts. I also tried so hard to make it through an ob/gyn exam with the same results, extreme pain and no possibility of getting through it. I could not even insert a q-tip without the feeling like I was hitting a brick wall and the burning pain feeling. I had so many of the same fears as you have right now prior to my own procedure. I felt like I would be the one person that it would not work for and I was also concerned about if I would be able to ever transition to intercourse. I also was convinced that I wouldn’t be able to do the dilating and thought this was impossible as I felt such pain with even a q-tip. My hubby was very supportive throughout which helped so much and I shared all of these concerns with Dr. Pacik, who is simply amazing. He has a wonderful and calming presence for even the most anxious patients as I was one of them and knows every single aspect of vaginismus. One of the best things that he said to me in our conversation a day or so before the procedure and when I was the most nervous but trying not to show it was that you have done your homework and have taken this important step, now it is time to let go and trust the process. It just made me so much calmer and helped me to feel so much better. I was able to transition to intercourse within 7 days of the procedure and my hubby and I continue to enjoy a wonderful sex life, something that was missing for our entire 11-year relationship/5-year marriage. You are in absolutely amazing hands with Dr. Pacik, Janet, and all of the amazing staff. You and Elaine are both going to do wonderful and I can’t wait to read your posts.June 11, 2013 at 10:37 am #11584Heather34Participant
Hi Elaine and Nola. As you prepare for your procedures next week, I wanted to share an absolutely excellent blog:
20 Tips for Future Patients – Part I
1. Replace any negative thoughts with positive ones. You WILL be successful with this procedure, with dilating, with achieving intercourse, and with OVERCOMING vaginismus!
2. Be patient, this is a long process but you CAN do it.
3. TRUST IN GOD – with God all things are possible!!!
4. Trust that Dr. Pacik and his staff really do know what they are doing and want nothing more than for you to succeed!
5. Don’t Meditate on the Little Disappointments. Deep hurt doesn’t just come from huge disappointments, like when we fail to get the job or promotion we really wanted. Deep emotional hurt can come from a series of minor annoyances and frustrations. That’s why we must know how to handle the small, daily disappointments and keep them in perspective. When you focus on something continually, it’s called meditation. The little frustrations that come up every day are annoying on their own, but when they pile up, it almost seems impossible to meditate on anything else. But instead of concentrating on your problems and getting discouraged, focus on God and meditate on His promises for you. Life might get you down, but you don’t have to stay down. God is ready, willing and able to pick you up. When disappointment weighs on you, you can either let it press you down, or you can use it as a stepping-stone to better things. Choose to face disappointment at its onset by meditating on God’s ways. He has better things for you, and He will help you defeat disappointment. Prayer Starter: God, like Psalm 119:15 says, I will meditate on Your Word, not the little disappointments that try to press me down. Life can be discouraging, but Your Word is so encouraging, I know I can overcome the discouragement by looking to You!
6. Know that the road may be long and tortuous with unexpected bumps along the way. Keep dilating and keep the faith. You have made a quantum leap and any long journey take times and patience, but the rewards are great.
7. Take advantage and utilize the Forum! Words can’t express how much I have benefitted from the love, support, advice and sharing from so many women on this Forum. All these years of suffering in silence; too afraid and humiliated to talk to anyone about what I was going through. But this Forum has given all of us a voice. We aren’t alone anymore! We can share our ups and downs. To me, this has been a huge part of my road to healing!
8. INCLUDE and TRUST your husband or partner in the entire process. Begin with open communication before your treatment about what you are feeling, your fears, anxiety and what you desire for your life after treatment. Secondly, if at at possible, have the treatment with your husband or partner present so he can learn about vaginismus and the treatment process. Thirdly, include your husband or partner in your recovery, especially in your daily dilation. Lastly, continue with the open communication after your treatment about what you are feeling, your fears, anxiety and what you desire for your life now that Botox treatment is now completed. REMEMBER that your husband or partner is also affected by vaginismus and this part of his life has also been on hold and wants nothing more than to be there for you and to help you and to love you.
9. Think about branching out. Allow yourself to experiment with all the wondrous gifts of sexuality we have been given. Once the dilation is under control and once intercourse is comfortable and second nature think about alternatives. Visit a “toy store” together and have fun. Think “dress up” (and dress down!). Think water: showers (as one recent patient volunteered think what you can do with a detachable shower head), baths, hot tubs. Connect with music, wine, soft lighting. Connect with dance. Connect with crazy fun things to do. It all sets the stage for fun and variety. Let’s keep this thread going, it’s fun and educational.
10. Celebrate even the small steps for one day you may look back and realize they were really the big things and extremely important in your journey to overcome vaginismus. I am a firm believer that celebrating these small steps helps to make the journey that much easier!
Please know we are all here to support you and I look forward to reading more of your posts.June 11, 2013 at 3:02 pm #11585Nola218Participant
Thank you for the kind words everyone!
Elaine – my boyfriend will be traveling with me and will be part of the treatment process. I’m looking forward to the further sense of togetherness that will bring for us. Up until now, as supportive as he has been, I still sometimes feel like this is my problem so I should solve it alone, and that it’s my fault that we’re in this predicament, but hopefully this gets rid of those feelings 🙂 I’m looking forward to meeting you!June 11, 2013 at 9:21 pm #11583NakitalabParticipant
Hi Nola, I’m so excited that you found Dr. Pacik and the Forum! Next week will be life changing for both you and Elaine and I’m so happy for the both of you that you made the decision to trust Dr. Pacik and his team. They are so warm and kind and understanding of every emotion and/or feeling we all go through. I too had the feeling that I would be the one that the procedure didn’t work for, especially given that I was 52 and suffered for over 34 years. But it did work for me! Still can’t believe it. I still have work to do as far as changing my thought process in regards to trust and intimacy, but I’m just so thrilled that I can make love to my husband with zero pain and several months ago had my first successful GYN appointment. I’m praying for both of you and please know that we are all here for you…for every part of your journey towards healing, both the ups and downs and celebration of each step along the way.June 12, 2013 at 4:51 am #11590elaine0086Participant
I know exactly where you are coming from in that you look at it as your problem. It sounds though that during the treatment it does bring a couple much closer together! After talking to Dr. Pacik and on my part much apprehension Mike will not be part of the procedure or dilation process but will be present during verbal counseling. I am just so happy to have him coming along for my support. Im sure you understand how comforting it is to have your partner, the one that is also affects, to be by your side during such a life changing event. Are you traveling from afar?
Well again it is so comforting to know of a person that will be going through the same next week. Hope your having a great week! Oh and heather thank you for all the tips!!!:)
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