Tearing with sex?!

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    Hi! So I’m just finishing my freshman year of college and earlier this year I lost my virginity. Although when it happened, we stopped very quickly because I was bleeding a ton. It was really strange and I looked down there with a mirror and saw an actual tear at the crevice of the bottom of my vaginal opening. (The bleeding wasn’t my hymen as I believe that had broken from various things in the past) I always use tampons and sometimes menstrual cups with little to no issue so things can get in there. Since my first time I’ve tried several more times (including adding lube, making sure there’s foreplay, and making sure I’m aroused enough) but unfortunately it is still happening every time I have sex (hasn’t been the same person each time so it’s not an anatomical thing). Luckily in the moment I’m not in pain, but I can sometimes tell when tearing is happening and it’s more the after effects that are a pain. It doesn’t bleed as much as the first time, but I always tear and due to the cut it burns when I urinate for a few days and the area is more sensitive. Plus ya know I have to fully heal before I can have sex again which is unfortunate. Any ideas what could be causing this or how to help it?!


    Hi cactuslover – so sorry to hear you’re having this experience! I’m glad you don’t notice this happening during sex, but having lingering pain for days afterward SUCKS.

    I think your first step should be to schedule a gynecologist appointment if you haven’t already done so. A gyno is your most likely resource in diagnosing any issues with your vagina’s size, tissue, etc. and recommending the right solution. We’ve had other people on the forums mention this same issue and get prescribed things like estrogen creams to strengthen their vaginal walls or other people being recommended to dilate, so that is your best path for figuring out more specifically where to start with the problem-solving.

    Let us know how it goes – I hope this problem is short-lived for you!


    Thank you for the response and info, I appreciate it! I recently went to the gyno and they took a swab to test for excess yeast or bacteria cause it could be causing the tissue to have a harder time healing. I haven’t heard back yet, but she said that’s like our first step in figuring this out. Hopefully I’ll get some answers soon or ways I can help it!


    Hi Cactuslover,

    I think checking for any infection is a good first step.

    There are some dermatological conditions that can sometimes make the tissue more friable, the most common is called Lichen Sclerosis, so I would ask your gynecologist to rule that out.

    I am not sure if you are on birth control pills, but that can make the tissue at the vaginal entrance more friable as well in some women. If you are on birth control, sometimes using a local hormone cream applied to the vaginal entrance regularly can be helpful.

    I would make sure you are using a really good lubricant, maybe try a hybrid lubricant or a silicone lubricant, to reduce friction.


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