Sometimes success takes longer than expected
October 10, 2019 at 1:42 pm #26071mazemelissaModerator
I received this email today from a patient who had the Botox procedure back in June. With her permission she said that I could share her message. I think it is a great message and I hope it helps others out there…
I’m reaching out to let you know my boyfriend and I finally had successful penetrative sex last night (on his birthday!). I couldn’t be happier. This was definitely a longer journey than I was expecting, but I learned a lot along the way and am so grateful for it all.
Shortly after my procedure in June, we had to up and move from Connecticut to Alaska because my boyfriend got stationed there in the military. The stress of that combined with my job and other things sort of caused me to give up on dilating. My mindset was not in the right place, I felt like the procedure should have been a “magic cure”. Little did I know it is a magic cure, only if I put in the necessary work!
I would get frustrated that even smaller dilators felt uncomfortable or painful, but those feelings eventually went away when I kept working with it. I was soon able to use the largest dilator with no pain, just some discomfort. Then, we tried sex. I just wasnt able to give up the control I felt like I needed. For a while I felt like I let myself go back to square one. I felt like even if I could physically handle the dilators, there was nothing I could do about my mindset surrounding sex, but I was wrong! Becoming mentally strong is just as possible as becoming physically strong, I just couldnt keep giving up like I always had.
Within the two week time frame of not seeing my boyfriend due to work, I not only put in the necessary time dilating, but I also worked on my mindset. I listened to podcasts, read books, pushed myself to work out regularly and even meditated. By the time I came back to Alaska, I was ready. I decided THIS would be the time that it worked, and guess what, it did! Some positions were more comfortable and pleasurable than others, but I know that will only get better with time. All I can say is that I feel so empowered and happy and my relationship is in a better place than it has ever been. I’m excited to see even more progress from here.
Thank you so much for all that you and your team do. I truly dont know what I would have done or where I would be today without the Botox procedure. None of the above would have been possible without it, because I simply wouldnt have had a place to begin. It was all more than worth it!! 🙂October 13, 2019 at 5:50 pm #26100recessivegenequeenParticipant
Thanks for sharing this post, Melissa! It’s so great to hear that this patient’s procedure worked in the end and that she was able to overcome her own self-doubt! Your vaginismus journey never goes quite like you expect it will and it helps to remember that as much help as we can get from things like the botox procedure, that last big push has to come from deep within ourselves – and we ARE capable of it! Really glad for this woman to get to begin building an incredible sexual life!December 26, 2019 at 10:33 am #26494Helen Leff, LCSWModerator
Thanks for posting this Melissa especially because it portrays an experience of individual process post Botox that we can all gain from. Every woman is going to have her own individual post Botox experience and some women will feel ready to have intercourse very soon after the procedure and it may take longer for others and that’s okay. I often say that sometimes you are physically ready before you are emotionally ready and sometimes it’s the other way around. Hearing about someone’s success is uplifting and for those who are having less success please let us know how you are faring. We are here to help.January 7, 2020 at 7:14 am #26551Sks823Participant
Wowow I love this story Melissa. I love her determination to gather some mental strength in that 2-week time frame through other self-care habits such as meditation and listening to podcasts. I also love that it finally happened on his birthday – what a nice surprise 🙂
Unexpected events (like a move to Alaska) can stunt progress a bit, but with determination and time, anyone can overcome these roadblocks!
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