Solution for when PIV is allowed but partner can’t finish

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    I’ve been lurking around here for a few months, ended my last session of pelvic floor therapy a while ago. Pretty soon afterwards I got the “go” to start trying PIV, we met what we call in my native language the “hammer of fear”. This is basically your partner not being able to stay hard or reach an orgasm because somewhere inside he still is scared he might hurt you. Several other women here on this forum have reported this phenomenon before.

    I knew this could happen so we consulted a sexologist ASAP and she told us that it’s all about confidence. When my partner would be able to ejaculate a first time inside of me, the problem would go away automatically, cause in his mind he’ll know he’s able to come without hurting me and next time the link between the pain and the pleasure will fade away automatically.

    So what we had to do was to basically get him excited without PIV contact during a few days, which means manual stimulation, visual stimulation, kissing, hugging, basically anything to get him excited without reaching an orgasm. Goal is to have him so excited he ejaculates a few seconds after intromission in the vagina. This worked and we repeated this procedure a few times, each time giving him less stimulation and more time to come inside of me. Yesterday he was able to come without any pre-stimulation at all.

    I just wanted to write this down here since you never know it might help others.


    Thank you so much for this post. It’s good to always know tips that worked for people!

    We have also found sometimes having a partner take a medication like Viagra or Cialis can be helpful for the first few attempts.


    SamantaH, thanks so much for sharing your experience here! Like you yourself have seen, we have a lot of people on the forums who struggle with this issue when they’re first making the transition from dilating to having intercourse, and this advice is super helpful and worth trying for couples when the male partner is having an issue staying erect. This will definitely be worth recommending to others in future!


    Hi SamantaH,

    This is so useful for so many of us! Thanks so much for posting. And thanks mazemelissa for the Cialis/Viagra suggestion as well – totally agree with that 🙂


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