I am often reminded by my patients that there is so much more to sexuality than sex. Feeling sexual takes many forms. From feeling sexy in what you wear to feeling desired by someone else. Oftentimes women with vaginismus completely cut themselves off from being sexual in anyway. I think for those dealing with vaginismus it could be very helpful to try and think of yourself as a sexual person, rather than someone who can’t have sex. Healthy sexuality is so much more than sex.
This is so true, Nicole! I felt this way for a long time. I think for a lot of us with vaginismus, we equate not being able to have penetrative sex with our partners to being defective in all ways, but it just isn’t true. Even if you haven’t fully dealt with your vaginismus, there is so much you can do to experience shared pleasure with your partner. In my experience it was important for that connection to be in place even before and while I was still treating my vaginismus because in a way it reminded me that what I’m working toward is one step on a road I’m already walking, and I already have a physical connection with my partner that can serve as the foundation for what comes next. I know it’s hard, but if you are dealing with vaginismus, try not to let it take away everything about your sex life that you could enjoy – it only has so much power.