Post procedure dilating

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    Hi everyone

    I’m a british expat living in Saudi Arabia. I’ve been married for 15 months now and realised I had vaginismus a few months later.

    To cut a long and emotional story short, I found a centre in my city of London to get my procedure done as it was impossible for me to come to the US.

    Day 1 and I was put under sedation to cut my hymen and complete the botox injections. What differs to all your stories is that I did not wake up with a dilator in me.

    I was given 2 weeks to heal and went back to the doctors, I brought the recommended dilators with me and went through the steps – personally for me this was a bit traumatic.

    First a q-tip, tears and happiness as it went in. Then a bigger q-tip. Then number 1- without much trouble but a lot of panic. Number 2 was a bit tighter and slightly painful but still doable. Number 3 us where it all went a bit bad. Pain, crying and not feeling good about it.

    The doctor stopped there and told me I needed to continue alone at home. I was told, insert 1 and push in and out 20 times per day and move up when ready. It’s been 3 weeks today and I’m still on dilator 2 as I find it really tight for the first minute or so.

    Is this normal? I kept it in for 20 mins even though the doctor didn’t give me a time frame – but should I try for longer?

    My doc is busy and hasn’t responded yet but I’m back in Saudi Arabia and cannot get that access like I could while in the UK this summer.

    Any tips or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I’m going slowly.

    Thank you all

    Janet Pacik

    Your story is very similar to those of other women who have received Botox injections without getting the support and guidance that they need. You may want to visit our websites at the following links and for information on dilation. The second link gives vaginal dilation techniques which you may find very helpful. You might want to consider purchasing the DVD titled “Vaginismus: Ins & Outs of Dilating” by Dr. Pacik. This DVD explains the many different aspects of using dilators and transitioning to intercourse.


    Thank you for your quick response! I’ve looked at the sites and will best implement the advice. I have been using hard plastic dilators that I attach with a handle for easy insertion – the problem with the handle is I need to remain in a laying down position, seeing the silicone ones on the site made me understand how others have said they can sleep with them and use them while working.

    I’m unable to order anything to be sent to me but I will continue to try and read all the encouraging posts on the forum.

    Thank you so very much for your help and advice, it’s truly very much appreciated.

    Dr. Pacik

    Most of my patients are not big fans of the plastic dilators with handles. I hear many complaints of discomfort using these. (I would love to hear the experience of others.) It is the reason I had shorter Pyrex glass dilators made-all measure 3 1/2 inches in length and have a tapered tip as well as an ergonomic fit around the vulva.
    The lack of support after treatment is a common reason my patients fail treatment elsewhere. There continues to be high anxiety after treatment. Women often complain they make faster progress physically than they do emotionally.
    For someone like yourself I would suggest slow stretch where you might be using a comfortable size dilator for at least a week before progressing to the next size. You may be able to tolerate the next size for only 5 minutes. That’s OK. 5 minutes is better than zero minutes. Try this gradation for about a week, each week advancing to the next size dilator two hours a day and sleeping with a comfortable dilator every second night. Women get impatient when progress is not quick enough. Like any physical therapy you may have to work on stretching the vagina over a period of months. Though many of my patients are able to make rapid progress, there is always a group that takes longer to respond. Some of my patients continued dilating for about a year before they felt comfortable transitioning to intercourse. Much of this is discussed in the two hour DVD that you can order from my office.
    Most importantly give yourself the time you need and try to stay the course. Now that you have had some penetration this will be helpful in overcoming the residual anxiety so common after treatment.


    Thank you for your response doctor, I truly appreciate the support I can’t explain how helpful just your responses have been because it shows you care a great deal and this has helped me so much.

    Yesterday was a huge success for me as I was able to progress to my 3rd dilator – it went in with easr after I dilated with 2 for about 10mins.

    I have been dilating a total of 45-50 mind per day and have seen much progress in my handling on the initial insertion pain and following through with dilating.

    I just read that my current dilator 3 is the equivalent length of the 5 for the pure romance 4 inches, this has made my day as I see myself getting a step closer to intercourse.

    I had a question, when I was dilating today- I felt resistance when I pushed it all the way in. Is there a point where I cannot push in any further? Example when I go up a dilator? Which is about 5.5 inches.

    Bless you both for your responses, help, support and advice. I cannot express how much this means to me.


    Regarding the comfort of my current dilators ( ameile comfort ) at first I was quite scared of them to say the least but now they are good for me, especially as they help with that initial push that I find difficult. But now I’m worried that as I’ve gotten used to plastic, how will I be with my husband?


    Hi britska. I have loved reading your posts and wanted to pass along some helpful tips on transitioning from using dilators to intercourse.

    Thread 1: Transition from Dilators to Intercourse

    Dr. Pacik writes:
    There are many tricks, but the main thing is to dilate for 1-2 hours before. Use the dilator as a “toy”, use a vibrator to help relax, set the stage with favorite music, get erotic (your choice), think of positions of comfort while dilating and use these positions for intercourse, and above ALL have your honey do the dishes that night!! Also have an escape plan. All of you know how to satisfy your honey, and simply accept the fact that it is common not to fully succeed the first time. It can be awkward, mechanical and just not work. Not a problem. Try another day. No one believes me that the erect penis is more comfortable than the large dilator, but everyone agrees that this is true. Just scary in the beginning.”

    Thread 2: Positions of Comfort Post Vaginismus

    Thread 3: Lelo Helpful with Transitioning

    Dr. Pacik writes:
    The Lelo Liv is a very appropriate vibrating dilator for our vaginismus patients. We highly recommend the Lelo Liv because this vibrating dilator allows the vaginal muscles to be stretched while reducing stress and promoting relaxation. To use the Lelo Liv, make sure it is very lubricated, turn the vibrator down to the lowest setting and insert it slowly. Move the vibrator in and out being aware of which sensations you enjoy the most. Many of our vaginismus patients do well combining vibrators with dilation before transitioning to intercourse.

    Blog: Transitioning: Stories from Our Patients

    Story 2: “Dr. Pacik, My homework/experiment on Saturday evening was a complete success!!! I dilated with pink for 1 hour and then big blue for 1 hour and 15 minutes. When I took big blue out I had my husband slide his erect penis in immediately as you suggested and there was no resistance at all!! I just felt some mild burning but it wasn’t unbearable and certainly nothing like any of our previous attempts! He was able to insert his entire penis within seconds. We held off on any thrusting as you suggested. WOW is all I can think of to say!!!!”

    I hope this helps. Please give us updates on how you are doing. Sending you hugs!


    It’s been a while since I posted wow! All the great advice I got here last year and so many good things have happened.

    I successfully had intercourse in September 2015, less than 2 months after my procedure. Not long after in December I found out I was expecting!

    Fast forward to August and I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is the love of my life.

    Labour was a little hard as I went into it slightly unprepared and scared but the vaginismus didn’t stop what was to happen naturally.

    Now I’ve healed from the tear I got 🙂 shall I return to using dilators again, I’ve not had intercourse in a long time and now I’ve given birth I’m once again afraid it will hurt.

    It’s very nice I found this forum again! reading everyone’s success stories it’s truly wonderful.


    Congratulations on your baby girl! So happy to hear your success story!
    Now that you are healed it is important to start dilating again. Take your time and see what works best for you. We recommend dilating 3 times a week. Please do not worry about pain, if you had pain free intercourse last September you will have it again, just keep dilating until that is pain free. Thanks for sharing with everyone.


    Hi britska! It’s so nice to talk to you again! HUGE HUGE HUGE Congrats on your baby girl! That is so, so very exciting! We have an almost 18 month old now and he is such a joy! I’m sorry about the tear you got with labour. Now that is is healed, I completely agree with Nicole and think dilating would be great to start up again. I started up following our son’s birth and it helped quite a bit to get into making love to my husband again. Both physically and mentally it helps you to remember what it was like to dilate in the past and the success that you had with this and this will help you to succeed right now. I, again, am so, so, so happy for you! Sending you big hugs!!!

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