Plan of attack?

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    Once I realized I had to start practicing with the dilation set I got from my pelvic floor therapist, the first challenge I had to deal with (besides my vaginismus of course) was: how? when? where? My therapist told me doing the exercises with my partner was allowed, but she didn’t recommend it. So I did them on my own.

    I’m not sure about you, but it was actually not that easy to find out how I was going to do the exercises. I lived together with my husband and worked during the day, so I had to find a moment to have some privacy, without having the idea my husband could be knocking on the door of our bedroom at any time. Plus we were living in a small apartment, which already made things awkward before I even started.

    The way I did it was to put on the heating in our bedroom each evening as high as possible, followed by a nice relaxing, hot bath. I did my exercises after I dried myself off in our bedroom, and my husband promised he wouldn’t disturb me during that time. I think it took me several months before I was able to lay down ON the sheets instead of UNDER them, cause I was still afraid my husband would walk in on me and saw me doing things I didn’t want him to see.

    How did others do this?


    Hi redrose! When I began dilating, I did so in front of my husband. His presence made me feel more safe and comfortable. I actually had the opposite feelings, I was scared to do it alone. But everyone is different! I love your ritual though!! I loved to incorporate heat during my excersize, it was very comforting. I’ve seen you post here on the forum before, how is your journey with vaginismus going? I apologize ahead of time if I’ve seen or missed some of your posts, already. How is dilating going?


    Hi redrose – I also loved hearing about your ritual! That’s definitely a hard part of dealing with vaginismus, finding the time and space to work on it. When I was dilating I had a partner but we didn’t live together so some nights I’d do it alone and others I’d do it at his apartment. One thing I will say is that it’s okay for your partner not to be there if it makes you more comfortable, but like Heather said, it’s also okay if he’s around! It can definitely feel weird to have someone see you dilating at first but I got used to it quickly. Most things about sex are sort of goofy anyway when you really think about them or look at them closely.

    I’m glad you’ve found patterns that have worked for you – that’s what’s important for having success long term, finding what works and sticking to it.

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