When I was 14 or 15, I had a chat group with some friends, and one of them posted a videoclip of a guy ejaculating on a woman’s face. I was totally disgusted, not because my friend posted something sex related (in all honesty, that happened quite regularly), but because of WHAT I saw. I never saw an ejaculation before in my life, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how gross it looked like. I was repulsed by an ejaculation and the thought this would come out of a penis when a guy is sexually aroused.I think this is were my vaginismus started. Are you guys aware of women in my situation? Where the vaginismis stems from being repulsed by a part of sex itself?
Hi emmely – it’s really common for women suffering from vaginismus to wonder “where” it came from or why you have it. It’s often difficult to know for sure, unless you can determine a point at which you were able to insert things like tampons and stopped being able to after a point. It’s definitely possible this past memory could be a contributing factor since anything that creates a relationship in your mind between sex and disgust, anxiety, stress, or other negative emotions can make your body’s instinct to tense up more heightened. But there isn’t always a clearly defined reason – some women just carry tension in their vaginas or have sensitive nerves that make sex painful. Often we will never know for sure, but it’s not a necessary part of treatment to figure it out fortunately.