On the verge

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    I’m 21 years old and a virgin.
    I’ve already felt embarrassed about this for a couple of years, since for me it feels like friends are not expecting it from me (most of them also don’t know) and everyone wants to talk about sex all the time.
    It’s like the new taboo is “not having sex” and I feel like an outsider all the time because of it.

    I have never had a boyfriend, there just never was a mutual connection or feeling with anyone I ever met, or it was too complicated to end up in a relationship.
    When I was 17, it occured for the first time that I tried to have sex with a guy I cared a lot about but it didn’t work out because of pain. He acted quite surprised about it, I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time.
    I thought it was just the “first time” pain everyone talked about.
    When I was 20 it happened again with another guy. After that I started to worry. I was positive that something was wrong with me since I cannot even use a tampon.

    I found the term vaginismus on internet and reading the symptoms, from that point I was convinced I had it, I have just kind of been ignoring it since then. I don’t feel like doing any effort to date because I know I will get to that embarassing point again.
    Only the thought of having to talk about it to someone of my friends or family makes me anxious. To this point I have only told the guy I tried to have sex with the second time but I could only do that because he’s at the other side of the world now and I only had to type it.
    Recently, I ended up at a friends place after a party, we were both into the moment but from the second I started to realise I was in his bed, I panicked and made him clear I didn’t want to have sex with him. He felt I wanted to say something but couldn’t.
    Last time he ended up at my place instead. We both were clear about not wanting anything serious with each other but I just couldn’t go on with even kissing. He knows something’s up and tried to make me tell him but telling someone feels like a ravine I have to jump in.
    The whole situation made me start worrying and panicking again. Since he is actually a close friend of my roommate, I see him a lot and I know everytime I will see him I’m going to think about it.
    I feel completely stuck in a lonely circle of frustration, uselessness, inferiority, shame, anger, sadness and helplessness. I know I ought to stop ignoring the problem and look for help but I don’t know where to start.
    I will try to finally go to a gynecologist tomorrow, I already stayed at home a lot of times when I promised myself to go.

    Janet Pacik

    LouLou, For some reason, your information is missing from our database of users which is why your post is showing up as “Guest”. You may need to re-register before posting again. You can use the same email address and username “LouLou” when you re-register. I also sent you a private email as I do want you to know that your comments are very similar to many other young women suffering from vaginismus. There is hope as Dr. Pacik’s Botox treatment program has been successful (90%) in over 275 patients. I can send you more information on this treatment program. Just respond to my email.


    Hi young precious girl. I just want to tell you from the bottom of my heart what I wish someone had told me at your age. You’re not alone with this—don’t waste anymore time at all—if you can afford the help, by all means, make it happen. If you don’t have the money quite yet, do whatever it takes to finance it before you’re my age (43) and motherhood the natural way passes you by or you end up in a marriage without being able to consummate it. Clearly, there is hope. When I was your age and found out I had this, I didn’t even hear the proper name for it until I was 27. Good luck!!!!!

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