Not sure about whether I have vaginismus

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    I’ve only recently learned about the existence of this condition. After doing a bit of research on it and reading posts from people that have vaginismus, I am unsure about whether I may have it.
    I’m twenty years old and I do not have any sexual experience. I currently have a boyfriend and I know that our relationship will eventually get to that point. I’ve never used tampons due to the fear that they may be uncomfortable but this never worried me to a deeper extent because many of my friends do not use them either. I think a lot of my confusion stems from my lack of understanding how my body works. I’ve recently tried to insert a finger simply to see if I could but it feels as if there’s a wall there and I can only fit half of my finger in. I didn’t feel any pain but I also didn’t try to push harder. I’ve heard that this is normal if there is no lubrication or arousal but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to easily be able to insert your finger into that area and if that “wall” is supposed to exist. I haven’t had a pap smear yet but I know I will be getting one later this year. I used to have a lot of fear about penetration because I believed that the opening would be too small or that it would be incredibly painful but these thoughts seemed normal at the time. Now that I’ve learned about the existence of vaginismus, I’m beginning to wonder if my worries were a sign since they were more intense than the thoughts of those around me. I had already mentally prepared myself for the first time, I had always known it would be painful because of what people say about it. Knowing this, I wasn’t terrified of the idea of having sex and it was something I was genuinely looking forward to, even if I had some fears. I don’t have any problems with getting aroused or having no desire to have sex, I’m just worried that I physically won’t be able to once we try. I’m just really scared that we will end up attempting to have sex and it won’t be able to go in.
    I know I won’t have a definite answer until I meet a specialist about it but it would really nice to receive some advice about my concerns. I’m really grateful a forum like this exists on the internet, seeing so many people support each other and give each other advice really reassures me that there is help out there.


    Hi Kelly987! I’m so glad you came to the forums – you’re right, it really is a comfort to have other people to talk to who understand what you’re going through and have shared your fears and frustrations. You aren’t alone, I promise – I’ve felt just about everything you’ve described here in one way or another myself, as have countless other women on these forums and out in the world.

    First of all, as someone who’s both had vaginismus AND had sex, one thing I want to address is the myth that your first time should be painful. It CAN be because of the tearing of the hymen, but most women’s hymen tear before they have sex for the first time, especially if they did sports or were active in their youth (you can read a lot more about this on the internet). I think the myth of first-time sex hurting came from the fact that most people have sex for the first time as teens who have no idea what they’re doing so try to do it without lube, or without being sufficiently aroused. Too much dryness CAN cause pain, so I think a lot of young and inexperienced people have bad first times. Thus, you should NOT feel at all bad that you weren’t able to insert a finger all the way when you weren’t aroused and didn’t use lube – very few people would be able to in that situation!

    It’s possible that you have vaginismus, but if you’re curious and able I’d recommend you continue exploring your body, especially inserting something while using copious amounts of lube just to see if you can get it in or if there’s pain or pressure. It will likely feel weird and unfamiliar at first, but if there’s acute pain or that “wall” feeling, that may be a possible sign of vaginismus. A gynecologist could help you be more sure, but you can gather some useful information yourself before going to that appointment as well.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes! I hope you find answers soon!

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