Not really a question, friend told me she has vaginismus as well

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  • #44993
    Theresa
    Participant

    I’ve always felt bad when I heard some of my friends telling me how “wonderful” or “fantastic” sex is with their partners, and how often they do it, etc… Well, one of those friends – a model BTW – revealed to me yesterday she has a severe form of vaginismus as well. All those times she said how fantastic sex with her husband was, well, she lied, only because she didn’t want to tell us what she is going through. Apparently her husband has told her he’s going to leave her because they can’t have sex. And I think this also explains why I always see those high numbers in statistics when they talk about vaginismus, but hardly anyone dares to talk about this. Looking a the numbers, probably lots of your friends have vaginismus as well, but they simple don’t talk about it. Which I totally understand, it’s not the easy subject… but we need to open up more about things like this, also among friends!

    #45069
    kiala2021
    Participant

    Amen to this. My therapist told me not even 5% of all women who suffer from vaginismus, actually do something about it! That’s insane!

    #45269
    recessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Theresa, you’re totally right! I think even in groups of close friends, it’s rare to open up about vaginismus – I certainly was slow to even with my closest friends when I was going through it. I’m not sure where you live, but American culture isn’t good at talking about sex in a plain and direct way. I think for some reason we treat it as something everyone should “know how to do” (which is why it feels shameful to have issues with it – which is crazy when you think about it. Sex is totally a learned skill and it’s not something that’s taught or discussed beyond most teenagers getting abstinence-only sex education in school that only serves to further alienate teenagers exploring sex and close off resources for how to have it without pain.

    Kiala2021, that statistic shocks me a little, but on another level it doesn’t surprise me at all. It took me more than 3 years from when I first learned I had vaginismus to start seeking treatment because living with it somehow seemed easier than facing it head on. I hope our culture shifts and resolves some of its hangups about communicating around sex that only hurt future generations.

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