Newbee Who Needs Direction

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    Wow, I’m so happy I found this forum. I’ll brush through my story real quick.

    Hi, I’m Becca. I’m about to turn 20. Throughout puberty, I was never interested in masturbation or using a tampon, but I never thought much of it until I got a boyfriend at 17. We dated for two years and never consummated the relationship. He was such a good sport–never pressured me, never did anything without my permission. He’s actually the one who got me to admit to myself that there’s something wrong beyond my control and I need help.

    I saw my gynecologist and euphemistically told her that I couldn’t insert a tampon. She did it for me and I became so anxious and tense that I passed out. Just for a second, I don’t think she even noticed, but it was terrifying. I went home so disappointed and confused. When my boyfriend and I found out about vaginismus after some research, we didn’t know what we were doing, but we decided to take some baby steps. After a lot of draining anxiety and coaxing, he was able to insert a pinky one day, and then a finger another. Our relationship ended recently–not because of the lack of sex, he assured me–so that’s where the progress stopped.

    Anyways. I need help. I live in Los Angeles county and through hours of Googling and Yelping, I can’t find anything about sex therapy (besides the kind for sex addicts, literally the opposite of what I want). Or maybe it would be better to seek some kind of emotional therapy first? Thing is, I’m a broke college student who doesn’t have money to throw around. I was hoping someone might have an idea of what I should do next.

    Thanks a bunch.


    Hi beccaj14. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus and everything you have had to go through with this. Please, please know we are all here as a community to support you and you are not alone with any of this. I struggled with having it for 11+ yrs and my entire marriage until June 2011. The experience that you described with the tampon is exactly how I felt with any penetration at all (i.e. tampons, OBGYN exams, as well as intercourse). I tried to use the dilators from along with the workbook and could never make it past the step of being able to insert a q-tip or the smallest sized tampon which did not work d/t burning pain. Post-procedure, I was able to insert dilators for the first time ever and then my husband and also have exams comfortably, all things that I never ever ever thought would be possible. I’ve used both the Pure Romance dilator set as well as the Pacik Glass ones and like them both. The Pure Romance ones are great b/c they’re a softer silicone material and have handles which makes them easier to insert and remove. They also have many, many different sizes. I also really like the Pacik Glass ones b/c they, too, have the handles and they are shorter in length so you don’t feel them as much and can do other things with them in. I want to share the link for the second issue of the VaginismusMD Newsletter that discusses all-things dilating. Specific topics include: Styles and Materials of Dilators, Getting Started with Dilation, Anxiety Control, Advanced Dilation Techniques, and Transitioning to Intercourse. Ok, now that I’ve written a huge book, I will sign off. But, again, please, please know that I along with the Forum are all here for you!


    Thanks for replying Heather! It really is a huge comfort reading all of these success stories. I have much more hope and optimism now than I did in the beginning. It’ll be an uphill battle, but no doubt one I can win! I’ll definitely take your advice on dilators once I feel like I’m ready to take that step. It was great to hear from you and I really appreciate the support.

    Dr. Pacik

    I sent you an email suggesting you complete the forms for my complimentary review and call. Have you discussed this with your parents who may be able to help with the fiances? I look forward to hearing from you. Happy Holidays!

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