New to the forum but not new to vaginismus!

[CurlyGirl]

Hello,

I thought I would introduce myself to the forum as over the past few weeks I’ve been getting a lot of benefit from reading other people’s posts.

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and we’ve been married for just under 5 years, in all of this time we’ve never been able to achieve penetration. I’ve experienced the feelings that so many women on this forum talk about – not feeling like a real woman, wondering if I’m ruining my husbands life, a persistent feeling of shame and an inability to talk to anyone about this apart from my husband. In fact because the situation makes me so upset, and my husband doesn’t want me to be upset, in recent years we’ve just stopped trying – so it’s like we pretend it’s not really happening. I just want to avoid even thinking about it but of course that’s hard.

I’ve never been able to have an internal exam and have just avoided them after my first experience was quite traumatic. I attempted to have another exam a few weeks ago that failed yet again, though I did feel proud for actually trying. That failure, and the resulting upset, led me to this site and I think for the first time I now feel a bit hopeful.

As I’m in the UK there don’t seem to be as many options available to me and I’ve been a bit dazzled when reading some of the treatments that other women on the forum have tried. Here the option 8 years ago was talking to a therapist, which I tried, and now after my recent failed internal examination I was again offered the opportunity to speak to someone. That was it.

I spoke to Dr Pacik earlier this week and although I was very nervous before the call it was a bit of a revelation to speak to someone openly who understood. Someone who recognises/ treats the physical symptoms alongside the psychological symptoms. I’ve spoken to Cynthia today and I’m now looking at dates to go to Manchester for treatment. It feels like the right thing to do, I’m so strong in certain parts of my life and I need to be strong with this now.

I’ve got concerns, as I’m sure everyone has/ had, because I don’t cope well with setbacks and I can take them to heart – like I said before, I’m a bit of an avoider. But I’ve taken a lot of heart from the support this forum has offered other women and I hope I’m lucky enough to also benefit from this.

CurlyGirl

[Heather34]

Hi CurlyGirl. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginsimus. Please know you have found an awesome community of support in the Forum and we are here for you. I am so, so, so, happy that you found Dr. Pacik and spoke to him last week. Prior to speaking to him, I felt like no doctor understood what I was going through with vaginismus. I wanted to have a successful exam and scheduled it too and then I tried to undergo it and it just wouldn’t physically work. This was beyond frustrating and definitely took an emotional toll as well. I also got to the point in our marriage that we just stopped talking about it. We have been together since 2000 and married since October of 2006 and I finally found Dr. Pacik and had the procedure in June of 2011. It was the best decision of our lives as we were then able to make love pain-free and we are currently expecting and due on May 7th. I also have been able to have those dreaded exams that never ever ever worked in the past. As you said in your post, Dr. Pacik treats both the physical symptoms of vaginismus as well as the psychological symptoms of it and this is just one of the many aspects that makes the treatment work. He, along with all of his staff, truly care so much about you as a person as well as your success and so importantly, they understand what each one of us has gone through with vaginismus. Please, please know that I’m here for you always! Sending you support and hugs today!!!

[CurlyGirl]

Hi Heather,

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it – especially your positive comments. And congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have booked in for my procedure – I’m feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now. I’m excited but apprehensive and maybe a little bit scared. However I do know I’m doing the right thing.

So in July I’ll be travelling from Manchester UK to Manchester USA! On a countdown already.

[Heather34]

So, so very exciting CurlyGirl! I just know the procedure is going to go so well for you and the trip over is going to be wonderful!!!! Sending you big hugs!!!