New Here and Seeking Help

[Gam3r13]

So, to start, I’m not sure if there is anything from my past that caused this. I was a pretty healthy kid. I had a bladder infection once when I was around 5, but aside from that, nothing worse than a fever. I got my period for the first time in 5th grade, around the age of 10 or 11 (I don’t remember what age exactly, just that I was the first of my friends). I’ve always had pretty strong attractions to boys. Masturbation started around the same time as my period but never involved any penetration ( clitoral stimulation was more than enough). The first time I tried inserting a tampon, maybe a year or so after I had first gotten my period, I couldn’t. I spent maybe 30-45 minutes in the bathroom with a mirror just trying to get it to go in and I couldn’t. It didn’t really hurt but it was just uncomfortable. I gave up.

Around 14, I was fingered for the first time by my then boyfriend. It didn’t hurt at first but ended up hurting pretty bad. I stopped letting him do that. Hadn’t done anything else like that again.

I’m now 23 and in a pretty wonderful relationship. My boyfriend and I live together and have been together for almost 3 years. He’s the first person I’ve ever felt 100% comfortable with and I knew that I wanted him to be my first. The first time we tried was around a year and a half ago. We set the mood, were having fun, good foreplay and then we tried to get down to it. When he tried to penetrate me, all I can describe it as is a wall. He tried pushing in and the pain was so bad that my whole body tensed up and I immediately burst into tears. He stopped immediately and was pretty confused. He said he felt like he had been pushing against a wall and couldn’t get in at all. He didn’t make a big deal out of it and we spent the rest of the night cuddling. Since then we have tried maybe 3 or 4 more times. Each time has been us feeling like he’s hitting a wall, and me ending up in tears from the pain. We still please each other sexually, in other ways, but it’s extremely frustrating that penetration can’t happen. I feel like my body is betraying me and it’s not fair to either of us. He’s been so incredibly patient with me and doesn’t judge me or make me feel bad about it at all. He’s eager to keep trying and to find a way to get past this, as am I. I’ve been researching it a lot and plan on getting a dilator kit, but I’m pretty nervous. In January we will be having our 3 year anniversary and I hate that it’s been that long and we still haven’t been able to have penetrative sex.

So, I guess that’s where I am at now. I’ve never posted on a forum before, but I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this who understands. I’ve tried talking to my mom about it but she doesn’t believe me. She thinks it’s just normal first-time pain.

[mazemelissa]

Dear Gam3r13,

Welcome to the forum! I am so glad that you reached out, because what you are describing does sound like vaginismus, and you are not alone.

I think getting a dilator set is a great idea. I would consider spending a little more money on a better kit than vaginismus.com kit. I find the pure romance dilator set, or soul source dilators that are made from silicone are much more comfortable and easier to use than vaginismus.com set.

You can also look into finding a pelvic floor physical therapist in your area to help guide you through dilation, and make a proper assessment of your pelvic floor muscles.

And of course, you can come here to see us at MAZE. The Botox procedure for vaginismus would be a great option for you, and help make your dilation even more successful.

You can always reach out to us and give us a call for a free 10 minute phone call.

Keep us updated.

Melissa
914-328-3700

[recessivegenequeen]

Gam3r13, welcome, and thanks for posting on the forum! I know it can be weird at first, but it’s a big step to tell your story and I commend your bravery.

Your story is so familiar to me – I know that I’m flooded with recognition whenever a woman mentions that feeling of there being a “wall” that we know so well. And a lot of us know the feeling of the dread and guilt growing and multiplying as a long and loving relationship goes on without us being able to do something that seems like it should be so easy.

Coming here is the first step, and it is a big one. Believe me when I say that so many women have stood where you stand, and even though at first we could have hardly believed it possible, so many of us have overcome it. Vaginismus is FULLY CURABLE. It will challenge you, and you will have doubt, but the payoff at the other side is completely worth every ounce of effort you’ll invest.

I think getting a dilator step is a good first step if you want to assess whether you are able to insert anything at all. But if you haven’t ever been able to get in a tampon or most other objects, it’s likely that you’ll need some outside help. I’m not sure where you live, but the Maze Clinic is an incredible facility with a wonderful team, and a pelvic floor doctor might be able to provide assistance as well.

I know how hard it is especially when we feel we can’t trust our friends and families with the truth. But if you want to get through this, you will. And we are here for you every step of the way.

[Heather34]

Hi Gam3r13. I am so sorry for what you have gone through with vaginismus and am so glad you posted. When you describe the feeling like “hitting a wall”, this is exactly how it felt while I had vaginismus and what my hubby described as well. We wanted to be intimate so bad and tried but it always ended up with him not being able to get past the wall and me feeling this incredible burning pain and then being so upset afterwards. I think it’s a great idea to try to start with the dilators. I completely agree with what Melissa wrote about the different types of dilators. I tried the hard plastic white ones in the past and they did not work and were uncomfortable. I did end up having the Botox procedure which did work for us to overcome and get past the wall. I felt like the Botox made this wall go away which made us able to insert the dilators up for the first time and, with practice with the dilators, later my hubby. Post-procedure, I used the Pure Romance silicone dilators which were great as they are a softer silicone material and they also have handles which made it much easier for me to have control holding them to insert and remove them. I, again, am so happy you posted and joined the Forum and I am here for you. Sending you support today.

[Sks823]

Gam3r13,

I’ve been in your exact situation before, so trust me – you can get through this! We in this forum understand fully, while others (like your mom) just don’t – and probably won’t, unless she does lots of research on vaginismus! So you’ve come to the right place, we have been through this!

Buying dilators is an AWESOME first step, so you should be VERY proud of yourself. I did the same when I realized that I had vaginismus (I bought the ones from vaginismus.com). I wasn’t really able to use them by myself (you may be different!), so like Melissa and recessivegenequeen suggested, I eventually went to Maze Clinic. Maze was able to guide me through dilating and I got through all the sizes of dilators :-). Getting help with the dilators is totally an option for you even if you’re not in the area – looking up pelvic floor physical therapists in your area is a good idea. They should understand vaginismus and dilating.

My success story through dilating at Maze last year and someone’s success story who went through the botox procedure (like Heather did), can be found here if you need more encouragement: http://mazewomenshealth.com/forums/topic/reflections-in-the-new-year/

Keep us updated, this is COMPLETELY curable and you CAN AND WILL get through this 🙂