New and Having Trouble

[Little Kate]

I waited 19 years to lose my virginity and I did to my loving partner of 3 years. I expected the first two weeks to be unpleasant and they definitely were. But two weeks became two months, four months, and now 5 months. My partner was very gentle with me and never pushed for sex. Though after five months, I started to avoid anything intimate with him. Don’t get me wrong, I am very open and do not shy away from communication with him and how much sex hurts. We’ve tried just about everything, different lubricants, different positions, extended periods of foreplay, and sex was still too painful. I started to hate it, avoid it, and just stick to other ways of being intimate with my partner. I felt like something was wrong with me and I hid the tears. I went to a gynecologist, a general practitioner, and just a family doctor. They couldn’t find anything wrong with me and my PAP smear was clear. Then of course I switched to good ole Google to see if there was anything that could explain it. I’m not going to lie, I was and still am pretty desperate. I think I have Vaginismus as the symptoms seem to fit me perfectly. I’m scared to have sex because of the pain and it isn’t very healthy for my self-esteem.

Not only am I scared, but my partner who was previously very supportive has started making side comments that make sex even less appealing. I’ve told him how his comments make me feel and he apologizes but the comments still keep coming up every now and again. I’ve also told him I could have Vaginismus but he seems to think I’m just being a wimp. I’ve told him how that makes me want to stop being intimate with him at all and he quickly sat me down and apologized. But even with his apologies, it still hurts.

I feel like something is wrong with me, that I’m broken. I don’t know what to do.

If anyone can help or offer some support, please leave a comment. I’d really appreciate it.

[Heather34]

Hi Little Kate. Welcome to the Forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I am so very sorry to read of your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, suffered with primary vaginismus in the past and was cured from this condition in 2011 after receiving Dr. Pacik’s Botox treatment program. What you described in your post is so similar to how I felt while dating my current husband. I wanted to have sex so bad but physically couldn’t because of the pain/burning/fear that was vaginismus. While he was very supportive throughout, we both became so frustrated with this problem and it took a serious toll on our relationship. When I had Dr. Pacik’s treatment, it had gotten to the point in our relationship, that I just wanted to “fix” my problem myself and I never viewed this as our problem. Thank God Dr. Pacik involves the husbands and partners very actively in the whole treatment program. In his office in NH was the very first time I truly saw this as a journey that we were going on and overcoming together and it brought us so much closer in our marriage. We practiced using the dilators together and he even inserted them too. By doing this, I began to associate him without the usual pain feelings and trusted him so much more and he was able to see that something could be inside of me and not cause the pain that our attempts had always caused. It was eye opening for the both of us. Prior to having this treatment, I tried using dilators on my own as well as pelvic floor physical therapy and nothing worked to stop the pain/burning feeling with insertion. Then, after this procedure, I felt like the wall that I’ve often described in other posts and what my husband felt every time dissapeared and I was able to insert all of the dilators of varying sizes pain and resistance-free and then, within 7 days, my husband as well, again, both pain and resistance free. I would definitey encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik’s office and work with him in any way that is possible. He was the answer to years of our prayers and the cure for our vaginismus. Please know that we are all here to support you along this journey and I look forward to reading more of your posts.