My short (and hopefully only short) story

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    Hi everyone,
    My name is Alex, I just turned 20 years old, and have been diagnosed with both vaginismus and vulvar vestibulitis. However, one gynaecologist I’ve seen says its both vaginismus and vulvar vestibulitis, where another gynaecologist and my physiotherapist believe it is only vaginismus. I am definitely hoping it is only vaginismus and am determined to cure it with these treatments only as vulvar vestibulitis seems complicating and difficult to cure and from what I hear is rare. My fingers are crossed!

    I realized I had vaginismus 1 year ago now, when I began having intercourse with my boyfriend of 1.5 years now. Realistically, I probably had vaginismus earlier and did not realize it, as I remember having trouble getting in a tampon and even a finger, and thought I was just “tight”. Our sex life was fine until intercourse came in. I knew something was wrong, as it would burn and hurt everytime, and doctors and my friends would tell me “use more lube” or that “I was tight because I was a virgin” or that we just didn’t know what we were doing, or even that it was all in my head. However, after several times of doing it, intercourse became more and more excruciating everytime. I remember waiting for it to end, and I did not see that getting any better. I live in Canada, and because of the way our healthcare system it set up it took me forever to get appointments and finally get the help I needed.

    It has been hard for me to be positive about this for 2 reasons. Firstly, because I am a young girl, and don’t personally know one other young girl (or woman in general) who has dealt with this. I would tell my friends and they would think I am crazy, and would say ” I don’t know about you but my sex is great!” which made me feel like I had some defect or was a useless girlfriend. Secondly, because it took me forever to get appointments and the help I needed, I felt that not only did I have a problem, but there was no way of me curing or solving it. I was left stuck with something that I didn’t want, and all I could picture was a terrible life with no sex, no boyfriend/husband, no kids, and me being a grumpy old lady who was a workaholic to make up for being unable to have sex. My boyfriend has been patient. After hearing the last words a young man wants to hear (I can’t have sex) he’s said that he would stick by me and support me, and for me to take my time with this as he will still be there. I am still always worried, even after re-assuring words, that he will break up with me over it. However, it makes me feel determined to cure it at the same time; for him but even more importantly for myself. I used to think that I was the only person in the world who has a problem (this one specifically) but now I know hbat everyone has one, and other women have the same one as me. I have so much respect for many of the women in this group who have dealt with this issue for many more years than I have, and am so determined to get this cured. I do have some issues being positive, and I want to work on this as well.

    One year later I have seen 2 gynaecologists and am currently doing pelvic physiotherapy to treat my vaginismus along with the vaginal dilator treatment. I just started the dilator treatment 1 week ago. So far its been okay, on and off, sometimes I get in the smallest size (and even the second one sometimes) perfectly fine, and other times I cant get it in at all. However, I’ve been told by my physio this will take a while (AT LEAST 6 monthes) so I guess I cannot make a judgement off my first week alone. I’m looking for positive support! Is there any tips anyone can give me on how to stay positive about getitng my issue cured and dealing with vaginismus? A lot of women apparently keep the intimacy going with oral sex, but unfortunately even oral sex causes me pain now. My Physio claims I have muscle spasms at my clitoris and around my vaginal opening (does anyone else have clitoral pain with vaginismus????). Oral sex keeps the intimacy going for my boyfriend but unfortunately not for me, as I don’t enjoy that anymore either. Please feel free to tell me your stories and give me any positive support on dealing with vaginismus, and any tips on how your keeping your intimacy going! Thanks for reading this 🙂


    Hi Alex. Welcome to the Forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus and am so happy that you have found this Forum. We are all here to support you. Like you, I suffered with vaginismus in the past as well and for my entire relationship and marriage to my wonderful husband. I was unable to even insert q-tip without this pain/burning/blocked feeling and sex or any form of penetration was completely impossible! I felt every emotion known to women while dealing with this and so badly wanted to have sex with my hubby but physically couldn’t. After so many years of searching, I found Dr. Pacik’s program on-line, contacted his office, and received the Botox treatment for vaginismus. I had the procedure with my hubby by my side and, together, we practiced with the dilators, again, something I could’ve never imagined while having vaginismus. Thereafter, within 7 days of my procedure date, we were able to have pain-free intercourse for the first time ever (huge smiles and THANK YOU DR. P!!!!). Please know that each one of us that either currently has or has had vaginismus in the past has felt so similar to what you describe and, together, we are all here to support you through your journey in overcoming!


    Hi Alex, I’m so glad that you found the Forum and Dr. Pacik’s website. First of all I want to commend you on working with the dilators and not giving up. You have an awesome attitude and willingness to try anything to get rid of this awful condition. I am 52 years young and suffered with vaginismus for over 34 years. Like you, I thought I was the only girl in the world who had this problem and I had extremely low self-esteem as I felt like a freak. I had tried everything under the sun and basically gave up hope, thinking this was the way that my life was going to be. While I could have intercourse with my husband it was extremely painful which led me to hate intimacy as it would always end up with me feeling totally humiliated and in tears. What a blessing when I stumbled across Dr. Pacik’s website last year and went back for his treatment in October. Between the treatment and the daily, consistent dialator work I am able to have intercourse pain free. It still is amazing to me. I do have alot of work to do as far my body image of myself, becoming comfortable with foreplay and intimacy but I’m just thrilled that I can now have intercourse pain free. I’m so very happy that you found the Forum as you are not alone. There are so many of us and this Forum in itself has been a huge blessing for me. All those years of feeling like a freak of nature, not being able to talk to someone who might understand, no one to share with….this Forum allows all of us, to share our ups, our downs, ask for and give advice, and celebrate our successes! Thank you for sharing your story, Alex and know that we are all here for you any time of the day or night. You are on the road to healing, I promise!

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