Maintenance Dilation

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    Hi all. I wanted to share an excellent prior post from Melissa concerning maintenance dilation if you are without a partner or take a break from having sex post-procedure.

    She writes: “I usually recommend having some type of vaginal penetration three times a week as a maintenance, especially after the Botox has worn off. If you are not with a partner, and not having regular intercourse, I feel that keeping a dilation routine is really important. For most patients it does not need to be a long session of dilation, usually 5-10 minutes should be enough. Some women find dilating in the shower a very convenient way to keep dilating, but it not take up too much time, and it is easy to fit into their schedule. You can also purchase a vibrator that you can use for dilation.”


    Glad you shared this, Heather! I agree that maintenance dilation is super important – even if you have been able to achieve penetrative sex with a partner, if you go through a prolonged period without sex, it’s important to keep up dilating in some form if you can. The physical reasons are obvious – making sure the muscles remain stretched – but I think the psychological reasons are even more important. If you’re single for awhile and frustrated with the search for a partner, some of your anxieties about sex can resurface if it’s been awhile since your last encounter or if you’re doubting yourself. Dilating regularly is a way of reminding yourself, “My vagina is capable of being penetrated.” There’s no shame in needing to return to dilating even long after your original treatment as long as it gives you the peace of mind you need!


    I sooo agree, it’s so important physically and psychologically.

    A lot of times I thought of dilating as such a chore which made it a lot harder to keep up doing – but I always felt good/accomplished after I dilated. Using a vibrator or doing something you like at the same time (watching TV, for example) makes it feel like much less of a chore 🙂

    And definitely keep track of when you do it to be sure you’re doing dilating at least a few times a week!


    Hi, im 23 and found out last year that I have Vaginismas. I have been dilating for over a month now and im currently on the 4th dilation but I do not use any Botox, the Doctor I use, prescribed a cream to help with painful penetration and also help with Vestibulodynia. Im proud of how committed I have been,but lately I have been losing the momentum to dilate. It scares me as to how close I am actually to having sex and it terrifies me because my worry is, what if I dont enjoy sex in general?( the cream I use numbs me and i dont feel much pleasure during dilation, im probably not supposed to) but i have never had penentrative sex in my life and the closer I get, the more terrified I become.

    My boyfriend has been proactive and supportive, as a matter of fact, he is the one who found this group and kept encouraging me to join. Im here now and im feel like giving up. i want to have sex with him sooo bad but this dilation process is also frustrating me and the thought of having sex and failing at it, scares me( because we tried several times before we found out we had Vaginismus) I just dont wanna fail again. I dont know what else to do


    Hi Tshego27! I posted about this a bit in another thread you’re on, but you definitely shouldn’t give up! You’ve already worked so hard and come so far! Getting to the 4th dilator is a HUGE step that deserves celebrating.

    Your fear is understandable – a lot of us with vaginismus have dealt with years of disappointment and false starts, and the prospect of another letdown is scary after you’ve put so much time in. But believe me that you are SO close now! You can see for yourself by the changes that you’ve experienced. When you started, I suspect it was a challenge to insert even the smallest dilator, and the fact that you are up to the 4th is the proof your brain needs that you are capable of so much.

    Also, and this is very important – dilating is NOT meant to be pleasurable, so if you’re not feeling arousal that’s COMPLETELY NORMAL. Dilating is kind of similar to going to the gym or working out – you’re challenging your body, and the workout itself isn’t meant to feel good necessarily (because you’re tearing up muscles so that they regrow stronger), but what you have afterward is a body that is capable of doing more. Sex will feel pleasurable in time (especially once you get comfortable enough with it that you don’t need numbing cream. You just have to put in the work first – it’s not especially fair, but you’re going to be really glad you did it on the other side!

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