Just had my procedure today :)
September 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm #8650ReeseParticipant
I am happy to say that I had my procedure today and I survived!! Firstly, the staff and Dr. Pacik are incredible. They make you feel right at home and are very accommodating. They have endless patience and a TRUE understanding of what vaginismus patients experience. I am so lucky to have found such a wonderful group of people paired with such an important procedure for vaginismus patients who have had difficulties overcoming this medical condition.
I am considered a level 5 severe grade vaginismus patient. I was also molested at the age of 15 by an older man that I trusted very much, who happens to be a family member of mine. I first knew there was an issue when I attempted intercourse at age 16. It was extremely painful and almost unbearable at the beginning. As the years progressed, it became more and more unbearable to have any type of intercourse, to the point where I refused to try anymore with my boyfriend of two years. I have been depressed and drained emotionally. I feel inadequate as a woman and feel hopeless at the thought of a “normal” future. I always wanted a husband and children, and vaginismus made me realize that I may not ever be able to have a family to call my own. I have been to more doctors that I can count that told me it was all in my head. They recommended muscle relaxers as well as heavy amounts of alcohol to “calm down enough to have sex”. I have had doctors tell me I’m crazy and refuse to treat me because they have said there was nothing they could do for me. I have tried counseling, dilation, and physical therapy, none of which has been successful. I was at my wits’ end before I found Dr. Pacik. This has been an extreme breakthrough to find him and have hope of a bright future once again.
The procedure itself was over before I realized. I was anxious before (of course), however once I was sedated I had no recollection of anything until waking up. I woke up with the biggest dilator inside, and was even able to remove and reinsert it BY MYSELF!!!!!!! I am now resting in my hotel room with dilator size number 4, which I was instructed to keep in all day and sleep with it as well. I understand that the physical barriers are much smaller now. I understand that I will need to work on stretching the muscle inside me, just like I would my arms and legs. I also understand that the biggest hurdle now will be my emotional state of mind. Having dealt with vaginismus for many years, and having virtually no one believe the pain I have suffered, has mentally taxed me. As I said previously, I feel drained almost all the time. However, I am now focusing on turning those negative thoughts into positive energy and am committed to moving on with my life and leaving vaginismus behind.
If anyone has any questions regarding my experience, I would be happy to share. No question is a dumb question, and I am very open-minded and would love to share any information that might assist other women in their roads to recovery.September 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm #10320NakitalabParticipant
Reese, I am so excited for you! Every single feeling you have had about yourself is exactly how I have felt for over 30 years. What a blessing that you have found Dr. Pacik. I just stumbled upon this website a couple of weeks ago and am so looking forward to talking with Dr. Pacik. Words cannot express how happy I am for you! It just kills me to know that so many women suffer from this condition. I would never want anyone to go through and feel what I have for the past 30+ years. I truly thought I was alone. I understand about what you said about changing your negative thoughts to positive and want you to know that I am here for you any time as I’m sure so many other woman on this forum are too. I may not have gone through the treatment yet, but I do share all of those emotional feelings you have had about yourself and want you to be free of them! Congratulations! So very happy for you! Thank you for sharing your story.September 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm #10324K HowardParticipant
Reese, this is such an exciting time! I am very proud of you first for even considering the procedure and then following through with it!! I too was molested (age 5 by an older cousin) and have lived with vaginismus for quite some time so I can definitely relate to the things that you have written above. I am so glad that you have had such a positive experience with the treatment today and wish you much continued success 🙂
Also, I think that it is definitely key when you speak about turning the negative thoughts around into something positive. That has helped me tremendously and I just know that it will help you too. Congratulations again and keep us updated! Can’t wait to hear of your continued success!September 18, 2012 at 9:39 pm #10330Heather34Moderator
CONGRATULATIONS Reese! This is wonderful, wonderful news and I am so happy for you!!!!
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