Introduction – Hi Everyone

[Nicole29]

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been reading the blogs/forum and Dr. Pacik’s book for the last couple of weeks to gain a better understanding of vaginismus and the treatment program.

I have been married for seven years and have tried many various treatments in the hope to overcome vaginismus but nothing has worked.

I am now going ahead with Dr. Pacik’s procedure, which is scheduled for December. For me, booking the appointment was the easy part but what I have found daunting, (and it may sound strange) is this… writing this post. Like most, I have now become accustomed to the isolation that accompanies vaginismus, wearing a ‘veil of silence’ and have found it difficult to express my feelings. After reading everyone’s journey and sharing their personal stories, it has given me the encouragement to write this post, so Thank You! My husband is the only one who knows and it’s been tough not being able answer his questions.. ‘When will you get better? How long will the next treatment take? When can we start a family? etc.. Having vaginismus has put a huge strain on my marriage but in some ways has brought us closer together. It was due one of our recent struggles that, through several searches lead me to Dr. Pacik’s treatment program, which felt like a sigh of relief. I showed my husband and now have his input, so we can go through this together.

Dr. Pacik and his team, made it easy for us, they have been helpful and approachable. I am truly grateful for this, as I have only felt shame and embarrassment with other previous doctors/therapists. Also, I have finally found a therapist who understands and is determined to help me overcome my anxiety issues.

I am really looking forward to my treatment, as reading other people’s success stories has given me hope in overcoming vaginismus.

[Allie]

Hi Nicole! Congrats on making your appt! You will do great! I had my procedure yesterday. Waking up with the the biggest dilator in and feeling no pain really is life changing. I have struggled for years trying to use dilators and always failed. Today(day 1 post procedure) I have been using the dilators and progressing great. I’m gaining more confidence as each hour goes by. I totally understand what you mean by vaginismus putting a big strain on your marriage, yet bringing you two closer. Sounds just like my hubby and me! You will be amazed at how awesome you will do. I remember people telling me that but still being unsure, but believe me. You can do this! We are all here for you!

[Heather34]

Welcome to the forum Nicole and thank you for your post. Huge Congrats on your upcoming procedure!!! I understand entirely when you describe the difficulty in writing this first post and you describe the real isolation and silence that accompanies the condition of vaginismus. This past week, one of our own forum members has published a youtube song that speaks so well to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9fZ0855nzc

Some of my favorite lyrics from the song:

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore

You don’t have to be alone anymore”

It is wonderful that you have taken these amazing steps in posting and booking your upcoming procedure and we are all here to support you in your journey!!! I look forward to reading more of your posts.

[K Howard]

So glad that you decided to join the forum (family) Nicole! I am equally excited that you have taken a leap of faith and scheduled your appointment – December will be here before you know it and your life will be forever changed! I can remember the shame and secrecy and never wanting anyone to find out. It truly takes over your life but the procedure helps you to begin taking that control back. Every day may not be the easiest but it is all worth it. We are all here for you!

[Nicole29]

Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!

Allie, thank you and CONGRATULATIONS! That’s great news!!! I’m so happy for you. I’ve been feeling anxious about the procedure but after hearing how well you’re doing and as you said ‘I’m gaining more confidence as each hour goes by’, is now making me feel more and more confident and excited. I wish you all the best in your continued success!!!

Heather & K Howard, thank you both and I’m so glad I joined the forum, as K Howard so nicely put it ‘family forum’, that’s exactly how it feels, there’s such a great network of people supporting one another. The song is wonderful with powerful lyrics.

[Nakitalab]

Hi Nichole, I’m so happy for you that you found Dr. Pacik and this forum! You are so not alone and please know that we are all here for you. I totally understand your hesitation of posting as I have felt that way many times. But when I have posted the out pouring of support and love has been overwhelming and so encouraging. I have suffered with vaginismus for over 32 years and just stumbled across Dr. Pacik’s website only a few months ago. All the years prior I felt like I was alone and a freak. On Tuesday I had my treatment and this is day three. I cannot express in words how kind and compassionate Dr. Pacik and his team have been. It has been an amazing three days. I’m not going to say it has been a piece of cake….I have felt so many emotions, sadness, anger, frustration and joy….but most of all HOPE! Which is something I lost along time ago. I’m so excited that you are going to have the treatment. Please read the forum often as it is a source of not only valuable information but also validation and to know that you are not alone anymore. We want to walk along beside you in this journey. Dr. Pacik has given us all hope again!

[rachel]

Hi Nicole,
I am so glad that you found this forum and Dr Pacik. I remember when I was searching the internet constantly day in and day out. Finally, I found Dr Pacik’s video on youtube! I think I finally came to a point where I was desperate for human contact and to find someone who had Vaginismus or who understood vaginismus. I was told by many professionals that I was not the only woman in the world with Vaginismus, but I had never met or spoke with anyone with the condition so I got to a point where I wanted proof that there were women who were like me. When I found the video I was in a state where I was constantly crying and very depressed. I had no friends at this point either as I didn’t have anything to give…I was exhausted with the battle my husband and I had been battling for 11 years!

I want you to know that this is the start of your recovery from Vaginismus. I am so excited for you as I know that your life is going to change for the better. This forum is excellant and there are so many people who are willing and wanting to support you through your recovery. My partner joined me for my treatment and he stood by Dr Pacik and saw the whole procedure which made him finally realize that I was not overreacting! From that point on it made him realize that I was not rejecting him, I simply had a condition that needed to be treated. So, please know that you have made the right decision and I look forward to reading of your success!

[Nicole29]

Hi Nakitalab and Rachel, Thank you for the support and sharing your stories. Reading about everyone’s success has given me hope. I’m really excited.. can’t wait

[ESANN]

Hi Nicole,
What you wrote is exactly how I feel. I’ve been married five years and battling this condition with a combination of endometriosis for many years. I’m scheduled for my procedure on Tuesday and I’m most nervous about sharing my feelings/emotions about everything. I’m a very social person but have always felt so private and alone with this issue that it’s hard to imagine changing that mindset. I’ve started to be more open about vaginismus since I started down the path of scheduling my procedure, so a few of my close friends and family know what I’m about to go through, but it’s definitely not easy to address when my coworkers are asking questions about why I’m travelling to NH to see a Dr.

Dr. Pacik and his staff have all been so kind, open and inviting. So unlike any Dr. I’ve seen before. I’m looking forward to success next week and the new journey I will face towards putting vaginismus in my past. And despite how tough the decisions were to spend all the $, take off of work, take a leap of faith into something so unknown still, I’m strong in knowing I’m helping myself, my marriage and the many women out there who still don’t know there is a solution.

Warm regards,
Esann

[Allie]

Hi Esann! Congrats on your procedure being Tuesday! I had it done Oct. 23rd and I am honestly amazed with how well I’m progressing! It’s the best decision I’ve ever made making that appt. You will feel the same way. I already feel more like a woman, not a broken woman. I will be thinking and praying for you women on Tuesday and the weeks to come! 🙂

[Nakitalab]

Hi Esann, I also had my procedure on October 23rd and am thrilled with my progress thus far. I am so excited for you and the other women who are having the procedure this next week. It will be the beginning of a new journey for all of you……truly healing from vaginismus. You all couldn’t be in better care than with Dr. Pacik and his team. You all will are in my prayers and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here for you! You’re not alone anymore and there are so many of us that are here for you!

[Heather34]

Hi Esann. Congrats on your upcoming procedure on Tuesday. I KNOW that you are going to do wonderful. You wrote “I’m most nervous about sharing my feelings/emotions about everything…I’m a very social person but have always felt so private and alone with this issue that it’s hard to imagine changing that mindset.” I felt so, so similar to you prior to my procedure. In an earlier post, I wrote:

“I remember having several anxieties pre-procedure and one included meeting and talking to other vaginsimus patients who were having their procedure done on the same day. I remember my hubby being very apprehensive and shy about the thoughts of this as well. We had both kept vaginismus to ourselves for so long and hadn’t even told our closest family and friends. How were we supposed to suddenly talk openly about something that we had kept so secret and hidden for our entire relationship and marriage? I couldn’t have been more wrong about how great and beneficial the experience of meeting another vaginismus patient was for me those 2 days. On day 1, the 4 of us met and all talked openly to each other. Then, on day 2, during “dilator bootcamp”, my roomie and I talked the entire time. This helped so, so much to distract ourselves from the actual act of dilating and it was very nice for me to finally be able to talk openly to another person who also had vaginismus. And, she was one of the nicest women that I’ve ever met. Following our procedures and dilating, we exchanged e-mail addresses and have kept in touch. So, again, my pre-procedure thoughts about this couldn’t have been more wrong and it was a truly wonderful and very beneficial experience that we both shared together.”

After my post, other ladies also shared how they, too, were very nervous about this aspect of treatment as well:

Patient 1:
I was nervous about meeting others too. But once we were there, it was a huge relief & made me feel more “normal” if that makes sense? So many of the doctors, nurses, therapists etc I went to see made me feel a bit of a freak & oddball. They didn’t seem to have other patients with vaginismus & they didn’t know how to treat me – it made me feel very alone. On the day of the procedure, being able to talk to someone who was feeling the same as me was reassuring and when I had my “wobbles” it was good to have someone in the same position.

Patient 2:
I was absolutely petrified to meet the other 2 ladies who were there on the day of the procedure. Matter of fact, I cant speak for them, but while in the waiting room no one said a word. I didn’t even know they were there for the same procedure at the time. Even when Dr. Pacik opened the curtains I was still very, very apprehensive… I’m an extremely private person not to mention the solitude that accompanies Vaginismus ya know? & then it happened… as the days progressed everyone became more comfortable with the open curtain and began responded to the questions much more openly and honestly. Then one day we went with another couple to get lunch because neither of us had rented cars. We walked to a pizza place down the street and had a GREAT lunch together. I still keep in contact with her and definitely call her a friend. Come to find out we really related to each other. It’s funny now to think of that day because the husbands were talking to one another in very generalized conversations while she and I sound like two gossiping middle school girls or something LOL! We also ended up riding along with the second couple on the final day. She and I text one another every once in a while. Then there’s also the girl Dr. Pacik had to email me prior to my procedure! She is great!! She is definitely my buddy and true friend. I was sooo afraid to talk to her at first and now I can’t see not knowing her. Even my husband knows her by name now because we’re always communicating and yet have never met face to face! On the day of my procedure I actually got soo nervous I snuck into the restroom and called her!! I left her a msg saying “OMG, I’m freaking out!!” lol… I can laugh now but point is we developed a bond. We keep up with each other and encourage each other because we can relate. Just as with the other girls, we’ve each walked in each others shoes so we know the emotions that come along with it. It’s okay to feel nervous, it’s normal, but contrary to what your emotions are telling you…these will be some of your best buddies. 🙂

Patient 3:
I just got the procedure 2-7-12. I was super nervous the day of the procedure, but to me, meeting the other ladies was what kept me happier. I was so excited that I was finally going to meet someone that was just like me. I was so happy that I no longer would feel alone like I had been feeling for the past two years. Right when we all where done with our procedure there was lots of laughter; about how everyone felt lost, etc. Everyone seemed to connect right away. The curtains where hardly ever closed unless we where about to dialate, even then, we would talk to each other and see how we where doing or make jokes about the size of the dilators. We even started naming them after famous people! haha. My boyfriend came with me, he was the only male there, you could imagine all the jokes he got. It was so much fun. This is such a wonderful program. I have now met the most wonderful ladies in my life, because of it. There’s nothing to be nervous about.

I hope this helps Esann and I KNOW you are going to do so, so well with your treatment! :):):)

[Nicole29]

Hi Esann, Congratulations, I’m so happy for you! I wish you all the best on you upcoming procedure!! This forum has helped me a great deal knowing that I’m not alone, and that there are amazing women who support and understand one another. I’m so grateful for this, as it has helped me open up a bit more and I have learnt a great deal. I completely agree that Dr. Pacik is unlike any other doctor I have ever come across. Best of luck to both of you!

[Nicole29]

@ Heather34, Thank you for your last post, it’s helped me too 🙂

[ESANN]

Thank you all for the encouragement. Tomorrow we leave for NH. I’m sure I’ll be posting more soon.