Inability to Have Sex

[sara_7]

Hello, my husband and I married 6 months ago, and have not been able to have actual sex. Because of my faith, I never tried having sex before marriage, so I really had no idea I would run into this issue. I don’t regret waiting until marriage at all, but I do feel very sad and embarrassed that my body won’t allow me to have sex. I have never been able to use tampons, but I didn’t think much of it because I just resorted to pads. I figured once I got married and had sex it would change. When I try to undergo an exam with an OBGYN I start to sob because of the pain and they have to stop. I have been doing physical therapy to work on my pelvic floor muscles, but I still haven’t seen a great change. I just ordered a small dilator, but am scared to use it for fear that I will be one of the only people who won’t be treated with dilators because I went years and years never being able to insert the smallest size tampon.

I never experienced sexual abuse, and I am incredibly fortunate to have the best husband in the world who reminds me that he married me because he loves me, not to just have sex with me. He comes with me to my PT appointments when he can and is the most patient guy and tells me everything will be just fine, but of course I still wish I could have sexual intimacy with him. I have heard stories of people who use Botox to relax their muscles, so I was wondering if that is something I should do? The only thing is we are a young couple with very little money, so depending on the cost, we may not be able to afford those treatments.

Lastly, I’d just like to say I am thankful I found this forum. Vaginismus is something that needs to be talked about more, because before I went through this, I never even knew it existed. That adds to me feeling completely alone in my struggles and just very fearful that it will never change.

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

sara_7: thanks so much for sharing your experience with us, and I’m sorry you are suffering. I applaud your dilation and PT efforts; vaginismus is so challenging and and it takes courage to do the work toward treatment!

We offer the Botox procedure here at Maze; if you are interested in learning more, please call us for a 10-minute free consult. We’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have. In the meantime, I wish you good luck and all best!

[recessivegenequeen]

Sara_7, it was very brave of you to post. I’m so sorry for the trouble you’ve had in your marriage because of your vaginismus – I had vaginismus for almost 10 years and I can tell you I understand exactly how difficult it can be. But the good news is that it’s fully curable and that there are options open to you.

The first thing I’d recommend doing is just trying to work with the dilator and see how far you get (there’s a lot of information on these forums about how to dilate). I totally understand why you’ve been putting it off, but trying to use it will give you more information about how to proceed. If you end up being able to use them, that’s great and means you can start trying to dilate on your own (or with the help of a gynecologist or physical therapist if you need some assistance). If you don’t get anywhere with the dilators, that’s okay too – you still have options like the botox open to you. But learning more about what steps to take next will help you to build the sex life you want with your husband!

I hope this helps – please let us know how it all goes, and good luck!