In the processk

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    Hi Everyone,

    I’m 27 years old and have always had vaginismus, realized when I was 15. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and we have never been successful with penetration.

    I’ve also never been able to use a tampon or have an internal exam at the gynecologist. Now that I am with a partner I feel comfortable with and have my general anxiety under control I thought it was an ideal time to start my healing journey.

    A few months ago, after always hearing that psychotherapy was the only way, or maybe it was just that my pelvic bone was too flat, I finally found a medical professional who understands and believes that I can recover.

    She’s a wonderful physical therapist who I have been seeing weekly for the past few months and she successfully got me over the first big hurdle of inserting a dilator. I am thrilled with my progress (can get the smallest dilator in most of the way and sweep it back and forth at the opening, TMI?) but I think my next step is to involve my boyfriend in the process and I’m having trouble doing that successfully.

    I’m hoping to learn from others experiences and get help over this next hurdle.


    Thanks for sharing your story. I too havent been able to have penetration or an exam.. So frustrating.
    It’s so great you have taken the first step in posting this and sharing your story!


    Hi oddballlove. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you found a very helpful and knowledgeable physical therapist and that you can now insert dilators. Prior to being treated by Dr. P, I too had vaginismus and tried for so many years to progress with dilators but could not even insert the smallest one. I understand completely the depth of this progress and, again, think it is beyond wonderful.

    I have some thoughts regarding involving your boyfriend and wanted to share an excellent thread in which I discuss involving my husband with my own dilation and how helpful I found it.

    In addition to my post, another Forum member also wrote an excellent post concerning her own experience of involving her boyfriend with dilation.

    Chelsea writes:

    “I couldn’t agree more about involving your partner in the process. If you’re using a dilator kit at home, it makes the process so much easier having your partner being able to help. Me and my partner have been together for 4 years now and have not been able to have sex without pain throughout our relationship, today we finally managed to because the last few days/weeks I’ve been involving him rather than seeing it as a problem on my end that I needed to fix by myself. It let me gain an incredible amount of trust in him by letting him use the dilator, and he was very sensitive the whole time and would ask me questions throughout which I think is an important part in this, communication is everything. One tip that I found to be extremely helpful and enjoyable was that after he would get each dilator in, before moving on he would perform cunnilingus on me at the same time, and I think it helped my body associate the experience of having something inside me with a pleasurable feeling rather than painful, it helped me to relax. Another tip I found to be helpful is to focus on your breathing when it became painful taking deep breaths for a minute or two before moving the dilator made me relax a little so that it became easier for me to progress through the different sizes. I’m so happy that we managed to have sex today, it wasn’t pleasurable and a little uncomfortable, but progress is progress, i know how frustrating this can feel, and just keep in mind that it’s no ones fault that you’re unable to have sex, so don’t blame yourselves, involve your partners and I wish you all the best of luck ladies. :)”

    I hope this helps and send my support. Please let us know how you are doing?

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