I think i have vaginismus

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    First of all i want to share how happy i am to find this forum and to feel that im not weird or something is wrong with me especially when all my other friends do not have this problem. I think that i have vaginismus bcs i failed to have succesfull penetration the first time i tried to have sex. And this has make me so scared to try again. Each time i think about having sex i would feel what if i failed again and its making me feel down. I think about how am i going to have sex and how am i going to get pregnant and have kids. Its very devastating for me. I try to put my fingers in vagina and there is no problem but when i tried to have sex, my vagina wont let it happened. And after that i would feel like there is little tear around the vagina when i take a bath. I google about this condition and vaginismus fit everything that im feeling. So i need to know do i need to see a gynaecologist to confirm. And does vagina dilators can help my condition.?


    Welcome to the forum!

    It sounds like you could have vaginismus.

    It is great that you can successfully insert your fingers.

    Do you use tampons?

    I think a visit to a gynecologist can be helpful, but many gynecologists are not used to seeing patients with vaginismus, and many don’t know how to treat it. It is possible that your hymen is still intact, and that is why when you first tried intercourse you might have felt a tear at the vaginal opening. That is very normal, and some women have a thicker hymen that might be more of a barrier for penetration, and a gynecologist can help determine that.

    I do think vaginal dilators would be really helpful for you, and I encourage you to purchase a kit and start a home program.

    If you can already insert your finger, you most likely can insert the first dilator easily. Slow progression through the dilators will give you confidence in your body and your ability to have penetration. Once you can insert the largest dilator, that is about the size of a penis, you should be able to transition to intercourse.

    If you are in the NY area, I encourage you to make an appt with us at Maze and we could guide you.

    We are also doing a distance dilation coaching program if you are not in our area that would probably be very helpful when starting the dilation process.


    Hi newmember! I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you had in your first sexual experience; it definitely does sound possible that you could have vaginismus and that dilating would help, as Melissa says.

    One thing I will say is that vaginismus and sexual pain issues are made worse by anxiety, and it sounds like you have a fair amount of distress surrounding sex as well (for example, your worry that you’ll become pregnant). Are you on birth control or using protection like condoms when you attempt sex? It might be a source of reassurance, as could be working with dilators to get more comfortable with penetration. I think it’s great that you’re seeking help and looking for answers and I hope some of what we’ve said will help you feel more comfortable!

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