I feel so hopeless and lost.

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    So, for background, I have always had pain that I knew wasn’t normal, tampons were always impossible for me, as were menstrual cups or anything of the sort. Sex was always very painful, and it just this year has become something I can enjoy after four years of trying, with the same person. My biggest issue is gynecologist visits. They are 100 percent impossible. I just cannot do it. I tried to go this year, and was prescribed valium for before but it was unbearable. Both the pelvic and pap smear were impossible, it felt like someone was taking a hot knife inside of me. I know I need to get this done but I just can’t. Do I really need to? I’m never going to be able to, so I know I might as well give up but I just want to be completely, fully normal. Whenever I think about going back I cry. I’m not sure if dilating would help me? Because I can have sex but I’m wondering if it would make the exams easier. The doctor that did this last one cleared me with no abnormal findings despite the exam not being completed, so I don’t know if I should also just try a different clinic. I don’t know, it’s all overwhelming.


    I do think dilation would help. Repeated controlled penetration should help you get more comfortable.

    I also think maybe physical therapy as well. Working with a trusted physical therapist to slowly train your body to allow someone else to insert something in your vagina for you.

    Routine screening exams are important. The pap is a screening for cervical cancer, which you should have done every 3 years if results are normal.

    You can have a pelvic exam under anesthesia if there is a concern for a medical issue and you can’t do the exam awake.


    kgilbs98, I’m so sorry about the pain and distress you’ve experienced at the gynecologist, as well as with sex. I used to have this same problem and couldn’t tolerate exams at all. When I was younger i had a pap smear under anesthesia, which is definitely an option. I recommend inquiring about the costs around this depending on your insurance situation just so you know what something like that would cost if it interests you.

    I eventually got the botox procedure and worked with dilators, which helped a lot, but I still dealt with a lot of anxiety around the gynecologist for awhile after that. It helped a lot to eventually find a gynecologist I really trusted and felt I could talk to. I made sure she explained everything she was doing before she ever touched me, which helped a lot. Dilation like Melissa suggested would also likely help you stretch your muscles and also develop more confidence that items like speculums could be inserted comfortably.

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