I feel like giving up

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    I’m just about at the point where I want to say “forget it all” and steady myself to a sexless life, which may mean devoid of romance as well. I’m constantly in pelvic pain and when I’m not I try to slowly acclimate myself to any sort of penetration – which only results in an intense and long lasting pain that can and has lasted for hours to days.

    I live in a small town and the doctors here don’t see anything physically wrong with me (despite being unable to preform basic exams due to my immense pain) – and the doctors who may be able to help me live so far away and the treatment is very costly.

    I’ve shared my struggles with a few close friends, each of which have given me different advice. One said that I should simply give up for good or at the very least for now. To push intimacy the furthest from my mind and invest my time in other things. I’ve been doing just that all my adult life and now at least 24 I’m still doing it — and let me say, pushing the idea of sex and having a relationship (as most guys run when I tell them I have difficulties with sex, as I put it) is getting harder with every passing year, but I’m starting to seriously consider her way of thinking.

    I suppose there is no real question or point to this thread other than an outlet for me to vent my frustrations and share my current thoughts.


    I do not think putting it in the back of your mind is a good idea. You are only harming yourself in the long run. I had the botox procedure 39 days ago and I am still struggling. But, I know if I work hard, it will eventually pay off. I did try other avenues but honestly the best option was this procedure. It was costly, but well worth it. Dr. Pacik understands the condition 100% and there is no judgment. The best advice I can give you is to not give up and do not put it in the back of your mind. When you finally decide to hit the issue head on, it will be harder if you wait. You deserve to feel like a complete woman, to be able to go to the OB GYN without anxiety or pain and to have an intimate relationship. Please do not push it to the back of your mind, that will not help and you are only avoiding the issue. We are hear to listen and we of course know what you are going through.


    Hi Zibby. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I had primary vaginismus all through my 20s and understand how hard it is to go through this. I, too, could not undergo any exams despite how hard I tried to will it to happen. It was just impossible as it caused excruciating pain. The same thing happened at any attempts with intercourse or even finger penetration with my then boyfriend, now husband. I had Dr. Pacik’s procedure in 2011 and was then able to finally have intercourse and also undergo exams because the intense pain/burning/resistance/and impossible to get past the wall feeling dissipated as the Botox kicked in and I was able to insert the dilators and later my hubby plus the dreaded speculum without the normal resistance. Once this happened, I just had to spend the time stretching the muscles with the varying sized dilators (like a workout). I could’ve never envisioned any of this ever happening for me and for us prior to meeting Dr. Pacik and having this treatment b/c I could not even insert a q-tip prior w/o the excruciating pain I described. If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to contact Dr. Pacik and work with him in any way possible. Please know that I am here to support you every step of the way!!!


    I was very sad reading your words. Alas there was a time I felt the same. The fact was, I was like you. In my early twenties, breaking off an engagement because I felt so many conflicting feelings of guilt. When my then fiancée went into counseling after I broke off the engagement, his MALE psychiatrist told him, “The next time you see her, thank her for giving you back your sex life!” It was so harsh and so misguided. He knew it though but it didn’t matter. I pushed away, devoid of emotion, numb, unfeeling. It was my way of coping. It was a very hard time for me. There were no treatments and nobody cared!

    But, now, I promise you, this group cares. Dr Pacik, he cares. He truly understands and he truly gets it. Never thought i’d ever meet a Team of people so non judge mental and understanding. You HAVE an option! You HAVE choices. I didn’t when I was your age. And now I’m 45 years old, and I can tell you, you will lose a lot if you cope by not fighting back, by giving in. It’s very very hard to go many years like this…on your physical self but MORE so on your emotional self. Please trust my words. 23 years and I’m just starting to recover. It’s going to be a long road to catch up emotionally to where I am physically. But it’s OK. At least now we have a choice and at least now someone is listening.

    Choose to try Botox. You won’t be sorry. Don’t allow yourself to define yourself by the Big V. You can overcome this…

    Hugs to you!!
    23 years

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