Hymen / older age

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    Hi there,

    I’ve got a question for you guys. My name is Janice. I’m 35.

    When I was a teenager, I had a very unpleasant (unwanted) sexual encounter with a stranger. This event basically destroyed my intimate life – I had several boyfriends when I was in my twenties, but sex scared me and I wasn’t ready to seek help at that time.

    Many years later, I’ve learned to know someone I care about very much, and together we decided to go to a physiotherapist and seek for help. I’m ashamed to admit it, but at the age of 35 I’ve done basically NOTHING concerning sex. I’ve never used vibrators, dildos, tampons, fingers or whatever. Every single internal exam I had at the gyn was done with a mini speculum they use for kids.

    My physiotherapist did an internal exam and said my hymen was probably still intact. Apparently the older you get, the more the hymen gets “dry” (she used a special word but I forgot) and she told me it’s important to get rid of the hymen first before starting with the dilation set.

    I didn’t feel at ease with her so I went to a second physiotherapist and she told me the hymen will break automatically when using the dilation set.

    What is your point of view on this? Apparently breaking the hymen is something you can do on your own, as long as you don’t have a very tight or thick hymen? Have you guys got any info on this?


    Hi janice – thanks for writing and welcome to our community!

    I’m sorry to hear about your experiences, but I assure you that you aren’t alone!

    I also want to applaud your willingness to seek support, and your ability to advocate for yourself by getting a second opinion when the initial provider’s answer wasn’t sufficient for you.

    The answer to your specific question depends upon each individual, their unique anatomy, etc. You may want to consider returning to a gyn for a consult to help you make the decision that is right for you.

    If you are near our offices and would like to schedule an initial visit (or start with a 10-minute free consult) we are only too happy to diagnose and offer potential treatment options. I wish you all our best!


    From what I’ve heard from my therapist, the hymen gets dryer and thicker over the years, which makes it harder to tear.

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