Help wanted

Find support and treatment options from participants and Maze Women’s Health staff.

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  • #48987

    Dear people of the Maze clinic,

    I hope you don’t mind someone from the other sex comes over to your forum to ask a question.

    I met my wife about two years ago, and last year we got married. We both come from a catholic family, and we waited to have sex after we got married.

    Each time we are intimate, my wife is in pain, to the point she can’t hide it anymore and becomes vocal about it. At the same time we are trying to conceive so I basically get two different messages from her and for me it’s not easy to stay aroused all the time. I don’t want her to be in pain, but I also want to give her a child as well because that’s important to her.

    She’s been to the gynaecologist for a complete check up, and everything is okay, although he suspects she might have vaginismus. That needs to be checked out with a pelvic floor specialist, but there is currently a long waiting list due to the corona virus.

    Getting kids is super important to her so there is no way I can convince her to wait until she can seek help. Is there anything I can do to make it less painful?


    If vaginismus is suspected, I think having her use a home dilation kit would be very helpful. She can slowly start stretching the muscles, which should make penetration less painful. I would suggest dilating prior to intercourse. If you can open the vaginal entrance up a little first with the dilators, so first penetration is not as uncomfortable, intercourse should hurt less. It would be helpful if she can dilate or penetrate with something larger than your penis as well. If she can stretch bigger than you…you shouldn’t hurt.


    Agreed with everything Melissa just said – and also, I’ve seen other posts in these forums talking about devices that can be used to transfer your semen inside of your partner, so you might look into options like that as well if you’re trying to conceive soon. I can’t remember what it was called but hopefully if you explore these forums a bit you may find it.

    I’m sorry you and your partner have been struggling with vaginismus – I know how hard it is on a relationshiP! But it’s great that you are a partner that cares about your wife’s experience and are helping her seek help. Best of luck to you and I hope your wife does look into using dilators, it’s a great place to start.

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