Hello Everyone…

[K Howard]

Hello everyone, my name is Karla. I am one of Dr. Pacik’s former patients (procedure was done on 11/10/09) and my journey has definitely proven to be VERY different than probably any of Dr. Pacik’s former patients. Not the journey that I would wish on anyone, but I know that there is a greater reward awaiting and definitely a rainbow at the end of this sometimes gloomy and narrow tunnel.

If you have read Dr. Pacik’s book, When Sex Seems Impossible, then you already have a glimpse of my experience during my time at the surgi-center; chapter 9, 31-year-old Maria. A few things have changed since that time: I no longer have high blood pressure (with simply a change in my eating – I eat a Paleo lifestyle now) nor “Stephen”, but one thing does remain: I have still been unable to have intercourse.

After having the procedure and returning to my “normal” daily life, it became easier to find reasons (really excuses) for not dilating as I was supposed to do. A very big issue for me was the fact that prior to making the decision to have the procedure, I had prayed and prayed to God that if he made it possible for me to work everything out (schedule and monetary wise) and have the procedure and to come out alive (lol) that I would do the things that I should (and not do what I shouldn’t) in the eyes of God. With that, sex seemed to become a bigger issue: mainly the notion of pre-marital sex. I am not here to bash anyone that decides to engage in pre-marital sex but this was something that became important for me. Although this was very essential for me, it became one of the biggest hindrances as far as post-procedure was concerned. I was okay with dilating (when I “found” the time to do so) however, I just could not bring myself to actually attempt sexual intercourse with Stephen and uphold the promised I’d made to myself and God. I became more and more distant and separated myself from intimacy (as I thought Stephen would surely want to try and have sex). Needless to say, the relationship dissolved and I found myself in quite a depressive state for about 2-3 months.

After the encouragement of some close friends, I decided to at least be open minded about dating again. There was a guy that attended the Life Group (similar to a Bible Study) I had been going to for some time but we never shared much more than a casual hello. One day, he asked me if I wanted to hangout out via Facebook (oh the joys of technology!); I said yes, and we had our first date on June 21, 2011. It was on our third date that I decided to lay everything out on the table for him. I am older (9 years) and I needed him to know my life story and what he would be getting into if he even thought about being with me – I didn’t want either of us to waste our time, especially myself. I mean, I wasn’t getting any younger and didn’t want to see my dreams of a family put further on hold. So there I was, on a third date with a guy that I really didn’t know too much literally spilling my guts, talking about being molested as a child and discussing my vagina over dinner! Absolutely not the ideal topic for discussion. Needless, to say, he stuck around. We officially became a couple on 8/15/11, he proposed to me on 11/23/11 and we were married on 3/31/12! Whew! It all seemed so unreal for me.

Even with all of the great things going on, intercourse still proved to be a huge issue for me. I started back dilating this past April/May but it didn’t take long to fall back off. After failed attempts, long talks with my husband, I contacted Dr. Pacik via email and we have since reconnected. My husband and I spoke with Dr. Pacik tonight and it was decided that I would be retreated with the Botox procedure (more than likely in August) – his first patient ever to be retreated. There are without question a lot of things that I would love to be first in but upon initial thought, this wasn’t one of them! However, in thinking things over, it’s not such a bad thing after all and hopefully writing about everything will help inspire someone else.

There are a few differences going into the procedure this time around: I know a lot of what the procedure involves (although there have been many progressions made since I had the surgery nearly three years ago), I am in a more stable relationship which I believe will help me tremendously in achieving intercourse and I have knowledge of where I failed in the past (not keeping up with the dilation) and know first hand the effects it can have if not done properly. Yes, I read many things prior to the procedure regarding dilation and the importance of it but now along with that, I have the personal knowledge of what happens when you don’t do it.

Thank you all for taking time to read this and congratulations to those who have been so very successful in their achievements and for those that have yet to decide on whether the procedure is the right decision, it most definitely is and will surely forever change your life!

[Heather34]

Hi Karla and welcome to the forum. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us and we are all here to support you through the entire process. You have overcome just so, so much and this is a true testament of your strength. Congratulations on scheduling your procedure. Please ask any and all questions that you may have pre-procedure. I remember having so many before my procedure last year. One of the best parts of this forum is knowing that you are not alone in this at all and we are all here to help and support you. I look very forward to reading more of your posts.

[K Howard]

Thank you for the very warm welcome Heather! Procedure has been scheduled for August 13th!